I beat my wife

Dear Aunty Lisa

I was not raised a violent man and I believe the man in me is not violent. I sometimes beat up my wife as way of disciplining her and most of the time it does work. I am not proud of what I do but her immaturity and lack of commitment in our marriage forces me to do that. My wife is 19 and sometimes I feel she takes this marriage to be some sort of fun or playing house thing.

I give her money to buy groceries. But she comes back from the stores with mostly chocolates, biscuits, chips and juices. She wants to cook and tells me there is no cooking oil, she wants to bath she tells me I didn’t give her enough money to buy soap. When we have visitors she behaves like one of them. She does not even offer them anything to eat or drink and I always have to. Sometimes I get so mad I hit her. But I always feel bad afterwards and it’s something I just don’t want to do. I just wonder why she behaves like this and how best I can deal with my frustrations? – Tsano

Dear Tsano

I am glad you realize that violence is not the solution to any problem. Your wife is definitely immature and she needs a lot of guidance and mentoring. You need to accept that you will need to help bring out a responsible wife in her by teaching her a lot of things. She married at a young age. It seems marriage is not as a big commitment for her as it should be. It has not really sunk into her mind that she is married and certain things are expected of her.

Once you realize her weakness you are half way to solving the problem. Next time you need to help her prepare a list for your groceries before she goes and spends it all on other goodies. Walk with her to the grocery shops and get her to learn to pick what you need over what you want. Beating her up in this case will just let her know what she did was wrong – but it does not help her learn what is the right thing to do.

You need to explain to her that when you have visitors in the house she needs to do A and B. If you keep doing it yourself you may spend the rest of your life doing it without her seeing anything wrong with it.

Whenever you feel so angry and frustrated by something she does, try to take a walk and calm yourself down. Then go home and explain calmly how what she did was wrong and then explain what is expected of her as a married woman. I am sure you will work out just fine in the end. – Aunty Lisa

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Post published in: Lifestyle
  • Craig

    I am staggered by your attitude towards women.

    You my friend are the one whom should mature and get help for your overbearing and controlling nature.

    Why dont you go to the shop or see this as a joint venture, and not treat her like a pet.

    No wonder a black zimbabwean married me, an Englishman whom treats her like a princess with respect and honour.

    I even cook, clean and look after the kids and have no problem with that. I certainly do not beat her, like a dog.

    You are the one that needs help with your temper and expectations of marriage.

    Cannot believe that Auntie Lisa almost agrees with your treatment of her.