Dear Aunty Lisa
I am living with my step-mother and she is having a problem with me dating my boyfriend. It is not that she does not like him. She likes him too much! She wants him to be her “real” daughter’s husband instead. My step-sister is three years younger than me; my boyfriend and I are just a year apart. My mother says he is not of my age. Her theory is we should marry a man three to five years older. So, in this case my boyfriend qualifies to be my sister’s man. It is not a theory we grew up being told, I have had boyfriends the same age as me before and she had no problem with it. Now I am dating a successful man, the theory has just been declared. My boyfriend is a pilot and she was really moved when she leant that the day I introduced him to the family. She is always criticising the idea that we are going out and referring to her theory suggesting that I should instead let him date my sister because I will be too mature for him. I love my boyfriend and my stepmother is just giving me so much pressure about this I no longer know what to do. – Shelly
Dear Shelly
You should not allow anyone to confuse you about what you want in life. Yes it is important that people advise us, but when advice becomes something that is forced on us it’s no longer good. Her ideologies should remain hers and she needs to learn to accept what you feel in this. You need to be sure that your boyfriend loves you enough not to be manipulated. The person to talk to here is your man. Let him know the issue on the ground and make sure he is on your side. Whenever there are opposing forces to love the couple’s unity is their number one weapon to fight challenges. For as long as your boyfriend continues to love you and only you, there is no reason for you to worry. Although what she is doing is unfair and cruel, she will come around after realising your love is unbreakable. – Aunty Lisa
She is positive
Dear Aunty Lisa
My girlfriend recently told me that she is HIV positive and I am really freaked out. I loved her so much and I don’t know if I still do. We had never slept together and my mind was pinned on making her my wife. I had really found my Mrs Right in her. She expects me to accept her status and move on in a relationship with her.
How she got infected to me does not matter but what I am not happy about is that I am a virgin myself. I was going to take it if the woman I loved was to tell me that she was not a virgin; but this is just too much. I don’t think I can marry her. I don’t hate her; but she does not fit in my future with that condition. What can I do? – Jeff
Dear Jeff
I can understand this has been a shock to you. But no one should be forced to marry someone he is not happy to marry. You just need to tell her the truth. Explain to her how you had planned your future and why you cannot continue with the relationship. It is better someone knows the truth than to realise later that the man she claims to be in love with is just pretending.
But what is important here is to know that your girlfriend is still the person she was when you met her. All that made you fall in love with her is still there. If you are to move on, may you do so without breaking her heart. Do not leave her unable to love again, don’t leave her feeling she made a mistake telling you her status. You need to make her feel she has done the right thing by telling you. I have always found it rude for someone I loved to tell me we had to be friends; it is not easy to convert such passionate love into “brotherly” love. Most women would rather part ways with someone they still have feelings for than be friends with them, because it is just a harrowing mental torture. She will need to say if she is okay with you being friends. Then you can give her some support as her friend. It will be good for you to get to make sure if you really have fallen out of love with her. You may continue with the relationship with her, marry and live happily ever after. There are a lot of ways to live positively and make babies too, while preventing the spread of the virus to you and the baby.
Sometimes people do not always have to go by the book with marriage. What I am saying is, you do not have to always stick to your rules of selecting Mrs Right because you will not find anyone to fit all your description. What matters is your love for her and how much she loves you back. – Aunty Lisa
Looking for love
Dear Aunty Lisa
I am a single mother aged 27. I have two kids. I am looking for someone who can love me with my kids. Do you think I will find someone? – Nomsa
Dear Nomsa
Someone is definitely out there for you. Being a single mother should not mean your life is locked. You need to be patient and you will meet your Mr Right. Whether he is a single father or not should not be an issue, but you need someone who is caring. You need a man who will marry you without always making you feel as if he did you a favour – that no one would ever have married you if he didn’t. Just be patient, enjoy the time with your kids and God will give them a suitable father who will be a good husband to you. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle