Last week we discussed fatherhood in the family and we outlined the various roles that the father needs to play in relation to his family. This week we wish to focus mainly on some of the consequences of an absent father. Many families in our country have become mother-headed families. There are also numerous single mothers whose children have never lived with a father. This has never been Gods model of a family. Gods model requires that both the father and the mother be present in the family for each has their designated role to play in a marriage. The mothers role in her childs life is very clear; she is a biological necessity.
The fathers role is intrinsically ambiguous; fatherhood is a social invention. In our Zimbabwean society, the fathers role is in a crisis. The father has an educational role, and so his withdrawal from the family has tended to weaken the father figure as an identification model for his children. This can have serious and negative implications for the children in later life.
Career and economic demands as well as the fast pace of life of the modern father can lead to enormous stress, and the fathers need to escape them may lead to estrangement from his family. If they are not properly handled, they can even result in the development of extra-marital relationships that may eventually devastate the marriage.
The father functions mainly as the link between the family and society. He represents his family in society while at the same time representing society in his family. I know that these are not easy matters to comprehend, but they need to be carefully and prayerfully thought through.
Role definition includes fair-minded exercise of authority and discipline. When these are lacking in the family because the father has withdrawn or gone to work elsewhere in the world, his children run the risk of growing up as cruel and heartless individuals, if not outright dictators in their future families and work places. Another role definition is good and balanced judgement. Children deprived of this role definition can make unfortunate mistakes in later life.
A third role definition is encouragement of achievement in his children. When deprived of this role definition his children can grow up with hardened personalities that fail to appreciate the good in others. The inculcation of skills and competence is a further role definition that the children will need to receive from their father.
When they fail to get it they run the risk of being mediocre individuals who are more comfortable at home with mother than out there in the world of achievement and skilled contestations.
The fathers absence from home negatively affects the childs general personality development. It can also negatively affect the childs sex role identity. This will be applicable to both the girls and the boys in the family. The childrens socialisation and cognitive functioning may also suffer as a result of the fathers absence from the family.
Sadly, the worst affected in all of the above is the son. Indeed, the son that is affected in this manner by the fathers absence may actually fail to run a successful family in later life. It is important that the family should stay together as much as possible. The current situation in Zimbabwe sadly mitigates against families staying together through thick and thin.
Many husbands have lost their families simply because they have had to leave home to go into the Diaspora for economic reasons. Before making that serious decision about going abroad, think about the children.
Post published in: Opinions