In the past two instalments to this column, we focused on the things to do when disciplining children.
There are also several things that we must avoid doing in order to discipline our children in a proper manner. Parents should not spoil their children as this will often lead to serious problems of indiscipline among the children. The parent should not be afraid to be firm when applying discipline. You should also not allow your children to form bad habits as these will be a negation of good discipline, and the children may be embarrassed in later life. Do not make your children feel small while you are disciplining them. The dignity of each child under discipline should be preserved. Children who are made to feel small will tend to develop a hatred for their parents.
Mistakes are not sins
Unless it is inevitable, do not discipline your children in front of others. It is always best to drag a child aside, out of earshot of the others, if not out of sight, and discipline them. A child who is disciplined in front of others is often humiliated and this may lead to the rejection of the discipline. Parents also need to learn that in most cases, the childrens mistakes are not sins. It is wrong for a parent to make the children feel that their mistakes are tantamount to sins. The parent should however, not over-protect their children from the consequences of their mistakes. The child should be allowed to experience the consequences of their mistakes so that they can learn from that experience. It is for their good in the end. Do not nag your children. Nagging is not at all equivalent to disciplining.
Rash promises
Avoid making rash promises to the children, especially when you face circumstances that may result in a failure to fulfil the promises. Do not expect too much from your children. It does not matter how mature they may seem to be, they are still just children. Do not deliberately ignore children when they have questions. When you do not know the answers to their questions say so and promise to find out from other sources. A parent who carefully disciplines their children should avoid being inconsistent. Children are very good at identifying inconsistencies in their parents behaviour. They tend to remember how you acted or reacted last time someone committed a similar offence. When you change your action or reaction they get disappointed in you. Avoid dismissing the childrens fears as foolish or baseless. This may hurt them deeply, and may cause them to think that you do not care about them.
Parents can apologise to children
A good parent should never think that they will never need to apologise to their children when they are wrong. In fact, a good parent well readily apologise to their children when they discover that their assumptions about a matter was wrong, or that their allegations against a child are later proved to be erroneous. Children respect parents that apologise to them for wrongs done. They respect them for realising that they too can make mistakes. As a parent, you should never forget that your children are growing up. They are becoming mature and more responsible all the time. Good discipline should assist them along that critical path of maturity. As they move along that road, they will need to experiment with various alternatives, and a good parent should allo0w them to do so, even if it means burning their fingers sometimes in the process. The learning curve is an endless one. As they say, Learning does not end.
Post published in: Opinions