Matters of the heart

How can I talk to her without shouting at her? I dont want to lose her. I just want her to be responsible and abstain from all this. I feel as if I have failed as a mother and hopeless at times.

Liz

Dear Liz

Discuss with your daughter about your concerns. But in doing this you need to understand that sex education is a process. It is a process of building trust with your daughter. She needs to see you not just as a caring mother but a friend that she can confide in. You need to reduce yourself to her age in order for you to understand how she sees things. Use your listening techniques and never criticise her for telling the truth about sex. Let her trust and learn to be open with you. Remain calm even when she tells you shocking things and do save your reaction for later on when you are alone in private.

Early sex can have profound, life-altering consequences. It is a very serious matter, which can lead to deadly diseases such as AIDS. This is why sex education is very important. You can also seek the services of professional counsellors to assist in talking to your daughter.

She needs to understand why she should preserve her youth and that her education is more important. She also needs to know that sex is something that should be special and it should be best left for the right time. It is also important for her to know that while condoms may prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies, abstinence may be the best for her at the moment.

Good Luck and hope you talk to her soonest.

Gracey

Dear Gracey

Im having problems with my relatives who cannot accept my boyfriend. The problem is that he first loved my sister but they didnt get into any relationship. We have been friends for long before this relationship. I know his background and he knows mine. I love him so much but it troubles me that my relatives cannot accept him. Please help, what do I do?

Rue

Rue dear

You need to understand why your relatives are acting that way. its possible that when one is deeply in love with someone nothing else matters. Your family cares about you. They do not want to see you hurt.

It may be good to understand why your boyfriend switched his love from your sister to you. He could be trying to make your sister jealous by dating you.

However, before dismissing him, you need to know him more. His love for you must be genuine. Your boyfriend must be in love with you not because he was rejected by your sister but because he fell in love with you.

At some point you need to discuss with your boyfriend about the real reason why he gave up on your sister.

Gracey