Dear Aunty Lisa
I am 24-years-old and my boyfriend of six months just introduced me to his family; they don’t like me because of my poor background. They are of the idea that I love their son because of their money. I love my boyfriend and it has nothing to do with how rich they are. I hate it when I am judged and seen as a gold-digger. Now I don’t know whether I should continue with this relationship or leave him alone like his sisters tell me. Please help. – Sheila
Dear Sheila
Leaving him will confirm that you did not care about him but his money as they claim. You need to follow your heart and ignore what they say. If your man knows that you love him unconditionally that is all that matters. People will talk; they will always say good and bad things. You don’t need to listen to them.
Give his family time to get to know you better, once they see how much you genuinely love him they will get to appreciate you. They may be acting that way because of some previous experiences their brother went through. You cannot throw away what you and your man have just because of his family. They have a right to be concerned and you have a right to prove you are humble and loving. Stick by your man and leave it to time for everything to fall into place. – Aunty Lisa
Give it time
Dear Aunty Lisa
I met my girlfriend in a bar. She was a sex worker, but she has changed since the day we met two months ago. I have not introduced her as my girlfriend to anyone, but obviously the word has spread that we are dating. My mother has heard about it – I suppose from my big-mouth sisters. I told her the truth, but trying to convince her that the girl has changed did not go well. My girlfriend grew up in the neighbourhood and everyone knows her for all the bad reasons. I will not have anyone choose who I should or should not go out with. But the naked truth is I need my family to respect her as a changed person and accept her. Please help me. – Rob
Dear Rob
You will not be able to convince your family that this girl has changed by mere word of mouth. You are talking of someone who has got a history. I do not know your girl and I am not there to judge anyone – but I will not be convinced that someone with her history can change in two months and go on to live a different life. Of course new beginnings are always possible and many people have turned their lives around completely. This may well be true of your girl – and I hope it is.
But what I am saying is that you need to allow time for the change to mature. Right now at this stage you are only convinced because you are in love. You need to take time to know her better and make sure that she has changed for good. You would be disgraced to find her in the bar dancing like a single woman again when you marry her. That would be the last thing you need. People will not curse her but they will blame you for thinking that you could change her. She deserves to be loved, and to be given time to prove that she has really changed. I am not talking about her like an “untouchable” in society, but you need to make sure that she is genuine before you try to convince others that she is – because at the end of the day you could be the one looking like a fool. – Aunty Lisa
Pregnancy shock
Dear Aunty Lisa
I have been going out with a 30-year-old man who is planning to marry me in December. Last week another woman claimed that she is pregnant by him and she has eloped. She is living at my boyfriend’s family home my boyfriend refused to welcome her at his rented house. He says he is not responsible and was never in love with that woman. I love him but I don’t know what to think about the situation. Getting married and settling down to start my own family is something I have always prayed for and now that I have found someone who is serious about me I thank God for it. What do I need to do so that I won’t lose my man? – Desperado
Dear Desperado
Well, your situation is really tricky. You don’t want to go into marriage ignoring a threatening problem dancing in your face like that. Your man may assure you that he loves you, which may be true – but what of the pregnant woman living with his parents? He may have refused to welcome her in his home, but she didn’t go back to her family. Living with his family is just the same as living with him. If his family recognises her as their daughter-in-law then your man acknowledges it as well.
He may not love this woman as he claims. But he may be the one responsible for the baby she is carrying. If he is, he will have to make arrangements to be responsible for his child and you need to consider all that. You must not decide on marriage because you feel he is the only man out there who loves you. You need to be sure you want to marry him because he is the man you love. He may be in denial for a few weeks but later may decide to confess the truth. It is possible that the news of this baby came as a shock to him and accepting it will not be easy as he tries to avoid hurting you.
But both of you need to stop acting as if this woman and the unborn child do not exist just because she is not under the same roof with your man. Sit down and talk about it. Allow him to be honest with you by not getting angry with him – although it may be tempting. You need to face the truth together, plan and agree on your next step. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle