I have been married for two years now. My husband and I have a son together and he also has a daughter from his previous marriage. The daughter comes to spend some time with us from her mother’s home during school holidays and weekends. I have always treated her like one of my own, but the problem is my husband treats us separately. In trying to make up for the quality time he is not getting with her he forgets that we exist. It becomes father and daughter time, my son and I are out of the picture. I end up feeling like I have to compete for his attention with the little girl. It makes me feel like it doesn’t mean anything for him that I am his wife. It seems I always have to find a place to visit with our son so that we do not disturb. It breaks my heart. I have tolerated a number of things but if he cannot realise that we are also family it is bad. How do you think I should make things right? – Mellisa
Dear Mellisa
I am sorry for the situation you are in. Family should always come first – without any favour or divisions. Your husband is failing to realize that in trying to make things right with his daughter he is making a mistake with you and his son.
But you need to realize that he may be doing this subconsciously. He is just desperate to make sure he is part of his daughter’s life – so he is mesmerized by her presence and momentarily forgets you in the process. This is not the best way to build his family, and you are the best person to alert him by telling him how it makes you feel.
He obviously does not want to lose you and spend his life being a “part-time” father to his children. Sit down with him and tell him to decide with you the best way that all of you can spend time together as a family without excluding anyone. You need him in your life as your husband and both his children need a father. He needs your help to figure out how best you can strike the balance and make sure you are one happy family. Don’t be confrontational – come alongside him gently and lovingly to help identify and solve the problem.
It should not be difficult if he can see the situation from your perspective. It is obviously unfair and he seems to be a good family man who wants the best for those he loves. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle