Dear Aunty Lisa
My husband’s ex-wife is giving me headaches. She calls my husband at any time, even late at night, to tell him the problems at her house, even those not concerned with their daughter. (My husband takes care of their daughter, which I have no problem with.) Apparently she finds my husband to be the only “close” person she can confide in. It makes me sick. I have never complained to my husband about it and I don’t know if he would understand my position if I tell him to stop. I believe they should only be communicating on matters to do with their daughter alone. Please help, am I being the insecure wife? What should I do? – Mrs S
Dear Mrs S
You are not being insecure at all, or if anyone thinks you are then it is proper you feel that way. You need to protect your marriage and help your husband close the history chapter.
You will not be wrong to ask your husband to stop tolerating this excessive contact with his ex -wife. He is wrong in not drawing boundary lines for her. While it may be accepted for them to be friends after a divorce, it is certainly not acceptable to do it in a way that makes you uncomfortable. Those late hours you are talking about are ideally time for you and him to spend together without such distractions. Talk to your husband about it. Tell him how much you do not like the idea of them communicating to that extent. Their communication should be just about things concerning their daughter – anything about each other’s personal life should not be tolerated for people who are no longer together.
You need to learn to communicate with your husband more. Speak up and your husband will respect your feelings. He may even be tolerating her more because you have never complained. He needs to know you do not like it and I can assure you there is nothing wrong with you feeling that way or even telling him about it. – Aunty Lisa
Stepmother problems
Dear Aunty Lisa
I am a boy aged 15. My father just remarried a very young woman after divorcing my mother three years ago. Honestly I don’t like my stepmother, she is just not old enough to deserve my respect as my mother. She tries her best to treat me well but for me it just doesn’t work. I don’t like her to know that I don’t approve of her but I wish her out of our lives. Is there anything I can do? – Rodney
Dear Rodney
You cannot choose a wife for your father dear. He is old enough to know who is right for him. You just need to respect your father’s decision and be happy for me that he is happy in his new relationship. The hurt that you feel that he is no longer with your mother, and by marrying again any possibility of them getting back together has been ruled out, is completely understandable. But that is life. There are some changes we need to move with and adjust to until they are just part of our lives.
I am happy for you that your stepmother is trying to reach out to you with love. You need to give her a chance and get to know her better. You may not have to call her mother if that makes you uncomfortable. Discuss about it and work something out, you can suggest calling her by her first name if she is comfortable with it.
But the bottom line is, you need to accept and appreciate her as the woman your father has chosen.. You may be surprised to see your relationship with her turning into something greater than you expected. – Aunty Lisa
Pregnancy shock
Dear Aunty Lisa
I have a 12-month-old daughter and I have just fallen pregnant again. It’s not what I had planned and I am afraid I may fail to handle two babies. All my friends are shocked that I am pregnant again, that was too quick and I don’t know what to do? – Momo
Dear Momo
My first born son just turned one and I have a new baby girl who is three weeks old! Now what were you saying again? You were too quick in falling pregnant with a one-year-old daughter? Do not let what your friends think rule your mind. You are the one who is going to look after those kids and not your friends. God has given you that child and He is going to help you take care of them both. You need to learn to look at things more on the positive side. Your kids are going to grow up together and you will see how awesome that will be. If your friends are being negative about it then just stop asking them what they think. What’s done is done. You do not want to start thinking about abortion. Besides it being illegal in Zimbabwe, destroying the gift some married couples are praying for is just not real. – Aunty Lisa
Afraid of love
Dear Aunty Lisa
I am a young man aged 24 and I have been going out with a lovely woman I wish to marry. We have gone out for more than five dates now and we really enjoy each other’s company, at least from what I see. We had our first kiss on the fourth date. But I have not yet told her that I love her. I am afraid she may respond negatively. I love her so much. What do l do? – R.D
Dear R.D
You have gone on more than five dates and you have kissed. That sounds to me like two people who love each other and already in a relationship. What more do you want to ask her? She has given you all the signs that she is in this with you. Yes you need to be telling her that you love her as a way to assure her of your love. Women love to hear their men saying it even when they know. That is part of the relationship. What I am saying is you are already in a relationship and you just need to go with the flow. Don’t rush anything. Five dates is not really long enough to decide that she is the one for you – you are young and have plenty of time. Just relax and enjoy the relationship unfolding. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle