Matters of the heart

Dear Aunty Lisa

My husband always complains that I disrespect him in front of people. There are times I put a point across and convince him in public and he says I make him look stupid. Should I play small or play dumb for him to shine? I just don’t get it. – Cindy

Dear Cindy

You have to understand one thing about your man and any other man for that matter. They need to be respected, especially by the ones they love. Men may not openly agree to this but it boosts their confidence and they tend to work harder when they are respected and admired. Respect and love go hand-in-hand.

Now that is not to say that you should act dumb. An intelligent woman is very attractive to men. But you don’t want to always show off your knowledge and prove to him that you know more than he does, especially in public. It hurts his sensitive male pride. He needs to know that you admire him and respect what he thinks. There are better ways of expressing your thoughts and points without shooting down your husband in front of others.

Sometimes you do not lose anything by listening to his thoughts. You will be surprised to realise how much love for you will be unlocked in him if you appreciate and admire him. It is sad how reserved he will become if you show that you don’t believe in him. The fact that he is complaining to you means there is something you are doing that is pulling him down. You need not act dumb, but be sensitive. Speak out your points in a way that does not crush down his – and make sure you are not trying to make yourself shine at his expense. – Aunty Lisa

Money, money, money

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am an entrepreneur; I started my small business a month ago. It is not yet blossoming. I understand very well that employees need to be paid well to stay motivated. I have been employed before and I know how frustrating it is to have an unthankful employer. But that is not the case with me, I am not yet earning big profits to pay my workers well but they keep demanding more money. Money is all they see when they see me coming. I don’t want to fire them because they are good but how can I make them understand? – Big Patso

Dear Big Patso

You will hardly come across people who care much about whether your business is blossoming or not. Employees work to put food on their families’ table and that is all they care about. They cannot be blamed for that attitude. If they are experienced in what they are doing for you they deserved to be rewarded well. But what can you do when your accounts are not balancing?

One thing most employers fail to understand about most of their employees is that; the workers are helping you build your dream not theirs. It is a blunder for you to assume that you share the same dream. You need to explain clearly the financial situation to your workers and make them understand how much you really want to reward them satisfactorily for their hard work. It is important that you make them promises of better salaries once the business grows. A real promise, not an empty one. They need to feel that you are on their side and things will work out. Transparency is very important.

But since it is a small business that has just started, dealing with very experienced people will be a great challenge because they feel they deserve higher salaries. I still believe you can work well with them if you explain the situation to them and let them know that you will improve their remunerations once all is well. – Aunty Lisa

I’m not gay

Dear Aunty Lisa

I have a male friend, at least I thought he was a friend, who is making some advances on me. This has shocked me because I didn’t expect that from him even in the wildest of my imagination. The problem here is we are both male. I am certainly not gay and I don’t know how to avoid him anymore. – Sam

Dear Sam

This is quite a sensitive story. You do not want to hurt your friend’s feelings and sound like you are now stigmatising him on the basis of his sexual orientation. But at the same time it is important that you make sure he is not driving you into something you do not want. Open communication is always the best policy. Talk to your friend; be honest with him with how you feel and how shocked you are to learn about this. Make it clear to him how you consider yourselves as friends and how you want it to stay that way. – Aunty Lisa

Chest pains

Dear Aunty Lisa

I was involved in a car accident some few weeks ago. The people I was in the same car with suffered serious injuries and I escaped unhurt. I have however since developed some chest pains. Do you think it is possible that it may be because of the crash? – Samson

Dear Samson

The pain may certainly be caused by the accident, but I cannot be sure. Only a specialist can examine you and be able to explain what the problem is. You needed to see a doctor after the accident despite the fact that you did not feel any pain nor see any injuries. Sometimes we suffer internally and fail to realise it until later. Seek medical advice as soon as you can. – Aunty Lisa