Dear Aunty Lisa
Whatsapp and 3G Internet are on the verge of breaking my marriage. I have a weakness on whatsapp when I am home with my family. I am a very busy woman who finds communicating on whatsapp a good way of winding down my day in the evening.
My husband is a crazy fan of English football and so he is always on Internet sites on his phone following latest news in the evening. We hardly communicate and worst of all the kids do not find time for us during that time as they will be playing video games on play station. How do I get my family and myself to resist this technology? It is the in-thing and should we try and ignore it? – Mrs Mamvura
Dear Mrs Mamvura
You are living in the 21st century of course and denying yourself access to technology is like denying yourself the right to live. But it has to be kept under control or else, as you rightly say, it can destroy your family. I am glad that you are rightfully aware of the problem in your home as that is a major step in solving the problem. Knowing what is wrong is very important.
Technology needs to be embraced but we need to be careful – family time never should be compromised by anything. You and your husband may be a very busy couple but it is important that you learn to juggle your busy schedules at work and make sure nothing spills into your home. Do not bring work home. You have to set boundaries.
Set a time to give yourself a period of communicating on whatsapp after work – maybe an hour. And then the phone must be switched off and you do not touch it. Your friends need to know that by a certain time in the evening you do not respond to messages. You need time with your family. You, your husband and your kids do not want to be strangers living in the same house.
There is need for house rules that needs to be obeyed by everyone, no whatsapp, no surfing on the Internet and no PlayStation during family time. You may make some things an exception if you can do it together. For example, playing video games may be a very good way of bonding and spending some common time together – but you need to arrange it so that it is done together – not each person alone on their device. This may be difficult but not impossible! – Aunty Lisa
Where did I go wrong?
Dear Aunty Lisa
I am 25. Last year I moved in with a young woman. She is now eight months pregnant with my child. Last week she accused me of being harsh and she claims no woman can ever stay with me because I am “short-tempered and rude.” She always cries for silly reasons and she said she needs some space away from me. So she is staying at my sister’s place. What did I do wrong and am I losing here? – Prince
Dear Prince
It is normal for everyone to be angry now and then. But how we show that emotion is what makes us who we are as people. Anger management is something that needs to be mastered so that those we love do not misinterpret us.
You mentioned that your wife is pregnant and has often cried for “silly reasons.” That is normal for pregnant women – they act a bit differently emotionally during this period and you have to come to terms with it. I don’t think you have lost your wife. She is at your sister’s place and that means she is within your family. If she had moved back to her parents’ place you could have a reason to worry. Give her the space she claims to need and you may find it helpful if she misses you a bit.
Meanwhile, work on controlling your temper and try to avoid being “rude” and reacting too quickly with anger. Each time you feel infuriated, take a walk and try to put your mind off the issue. It always helps discussing about it when you feel you are no longer angry and that you have moved on. Of course there are other issues that need urgent address with no time to calm down, but you can always make your partner understand by making it clear from the beginning what you don’t like and that you love her even in your anger. At times she may confuse your anger with hatred. It may appear to her that you don’t love her when you shout or when you are mad at her. So, that needs to be clear to her. Also you need to be patient with her at this special time in your lives. Remember – she is carrying your child. And that child will need a good father. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle