April Fool You!

used to make us laugh on April Fool’s Day with their clever photos and jokes? Well they have done again. But this year they thought they would be sneaky and do it a week earlier – just to catch us. But Magaisa is ever alert. I saw straight through the tricky story in The Sunday Mail this week that Patrick Chinamasa is going to set up Zimbabwe’s first ever Human Rights Commission. He he he! In the story, Chinamasa was quoted as saying the commission was part of the government’s quest to ‘create a culture of human rights’. He he he! April Fool YOU!

“The commission will have the mandate to receive, investigate and redress any complaints relating to human rights,” said Chinamasa! He he he! This is the man who has been castigating any defender of human rights in Zimbabwe. Anyone who even mentions the word is in big trouble. In fact, it is a dirty word in Zimbabwe today. This is the same government that has denounced the African Commission on Human Rights as well as that Habitat woman who came here and was shocked at what she saw after Murambatsvina. According to the annual report on Human Rights practices for 2005 by the American state department Zimbabwe was the only African country mentioned alongside countries like North Korea, Burma, China, Cuba and Iran for running an oligarchy that has extinguished democracy.

Let’s face it people, Zanu (PF)’s flagrant disregard for all our most fundamental human rights has turned our country into a political Chernobyl. This Chinamasa who is setting up the Zimbabwe Human Rights Commission (he, he, he) is the same person who pushed through parliament the Public Order and Security Act (POSA), which deprives Zimbabweans of their human rights of association, assembly and expression. He is also the one who voted with the rest of his colleagues to pass AIPPA into law – one of the world’s worst pieces of anti freedom of the press legislation. But as this is April’s Food season, I have suggestions of my own about who should sit on that commission. We need people who are loyal and dedicated to the cause of freedom. Such illustrious sons of Zimbabwe as Joseph Chinotimba (an ideal choice for Chairman), Perence Shiri, Augustine Chihuri and other commanders.

The investigators of human rights abuses should be drawn from the ranks of the Green Bombers – those experts in human rights – together with, of course, our revered press freedom watchdog Tafataona Mahoso to be special adviser on media violations. After years in denial, Chinamasa has grudgingly admitted that Zimbabwe might have violated people’s rights. But he hastily absolved himself by adding, “In any case, there is no country in the world, where on a daily basis there are no violations of human rights.” So that’s okay then is it?

He also had a go at Zimbabwe’s brave and long-suffering human rights activists. ” They manufacture and peddle false accusations and they also recycle them,” he said. He, he, he. To avoid the Christmas rush, I will put in my list of all the human rights transgressions which the new Chinotimba HR Commission should investigate forthwith: the closure of independent newspapers disenfranchisement of lawful voters the emasculation of the judiciary life-threatening conditions in prison torture of innocent civilians theft and destruction of private property Zanunisation of Zimabwe denial of food to innocent civilians unlawful imprisonment of women and babies I’ve run out of space already – please feel free to send me your own additions to this list – which is by NO means exhaustive.