Mugabe goes to the Toilet with Cap in hand.

insulted at every possible opportunity, Tony Blair. Yes – the present Prime Minister of Great Britain – the venerable Blair himself. The subject to be discussed – the “targeted sanctions” directed at the ruling elite in Zimbabwe and in particular, the refusal to allow Grace Mugabe the privilege of spending half of Zimbabwe’s present GDP in Harrods each year. “What have we done,” Mugabe will argue, “to deserve such dreadful punishment?” “Hear, hear,” cry the AU as a backing chorus. This came as a great surprise in Pretoria where the leadership of South Africa spent all last week arguing, that sanctions do not work! And quoting the EU and US sanctions against the elite in Harare as a prime example. The implied question in those statements was “what could we do in that field – we only control their fuel supplies and electricity, half their imports and most of the delivery of their luxury cars?” But there can be no doubt about it, Mugabe wants to meet Blair! Astonishing! The question is why? Well that is simple really, he has the most awful stomachache and only a good long session over a long drop will suffice. The Blair toilet is a famous invention by one of those settler fiends. It provides its owner with a simple means of protecting himself from his own excrement. Mugabe needs that urgently for otherwise he fears he will mess his pants – and in public to boot. The stomachache comes from just too many good things – a life of luxury, every type of food you can think of, the accolades of friends and sycophants and a fear of the future. He is very afraid that even the floor of his particular Blair Toilet might fall in and then what – he would end up, up to his neck in you know what in a deep dark hole and no place to go! The main difficulty he has is that someone has secretly locked the dammed door to the loo! He has yet to discover that and when he does he might just realize that he has run out of time and space and will have no choice but to go out in disgrace – with Grace of course, we do not want him leaving her behind.