Set a thief to catch a thief

=MsoNormal style=”MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt”>BY MAGAISA IBENZI

WARD 12, PARIRENYATWA HOSPITAL, HARARE – It’s not often that I have a philosophical discussion with my friend Mujubheki, but some of the things he comes up with sometimes! He’s quite a genius that guy. I suspect Mugabe wants to keep him in this mental asylum simply to stop him having any influence on people out there that might make them think seriously about putting the blame for our sufferings squarely where it belongs.

He has now worked out that Zanu (PF) operates on curious logic – well we all knew that – but Mujubheki has cracked the formula of how they operate. This is his theory:

The only way Mugabe can keep people loyal to him, especially in these days of mass starvation, unemployment, shortages, Guinness Book of Records inflation and so on, is to find out exactly what hanky-panky his top officials are up to and then let them know that he knows. Some of the ways to do this is to allow an official investigation to start and discover something and then order the police or CIO to stop investigating immediately. This causes the guy to panic and he is forever grateful to Muabe or whoever for saving his skin. From then onwards, the man is his. He will do whatever Mugabe tells him to.

Didymus Mutasa is a classic example. He and other ministers from Manicaland nicked all that equipment from Kondozi Farm. An investigation was begun on orders from Amai VP Joyce, and then stopped on orders from Uncle Bob. Didymus is now on a short leash. He sings Mugabe’s praises louder now.

Mugabe’s benevolence is now being extended to police and army officers whose salaries cannot sustain their new life of luxury to which they have become accustomed. Many of them have been quite naughty. For example, five senior policemen, among them the officer commanding CID, Steven Mutamba, Midlands province police commander Charles Mfandaedza, Bulawayo police assistant commissioners Alexio Paradza and Crowd Chirenje and senior criminal investigations officer, Richard Nyathi, have been receiving bulky, khakhi envelopes from dangerous criminals in return for turning a blind eye to their nefarious activities.

But they got too greedy and demanded more and more which made it unprofitable for the criminals. So one of them leaked, as all criminals do. An investigation was begun.

But no sooner had progress been made than our anti-corruption guru, Didymus Mutasa, stepped in and ordered that it should be abandoned. Police Commissioner Augustine Chihuri had complained that the probe was dividing and destabilising the police when the force should be saving its energies to crush the forthcoming MDC-inspired mass action.

He advised the powers that be that if the top cops were all found guilty and jailed, as indeed they should be on the basis of the evidence uncovered, there was a serious danger of chaos in the corruption-riddled force as those remaining would panic and feel insecure.

One can’t help but wonder how these top cops managed to “persuade” Chihuri to use his influence to protect them. As the classic saying goes: Set a thief to catch a thief.

Mujubehki was eloquent in describing just how enthusiastic these senior officers would be in crushing any public protests, now that they know they have been saved by the gong. He has vivid visions of them charging the WOZA women and babies, not to mention the children who should be at school but have been sent home because they haven’t paid school fees, with whips and batons to prove their undying loyalty to Mugabe and the party. Look out ladies – the riot squad has just recruited a few more enthusiasts anxious to sing even more loudly for their supper.