Magaisa (23-11-06)

Government in exile
Never have so many produced so little
SOMEWHERE DOWN SOUTH – My idea for a government in exile seems to be something that many Zimbabweans are already thinking about. Some have actually made advanced plans.
But as for myself, I am not feeli

ng well Mr Editor. I have been getting all these emails from all these people – but they don’t seem to be talking to each other.
All that brain power is being wasted. It is making me feel very ill. I can’t understand why they are not all co-operating with each other to make this thing a reality. I am begging them – please people, talk to each other, consult, co-ordinate – that is the only way you are going to make this thing happen. Vanhu-we! Ndapota! (People, please – I beg you.) You must all support each other, you must talk to each other. You must have a dare (meeting). I know it is difficult with all this modern technology and most of the trees have been cut down – but please find a tree somewhere, sit down together and talk. I am sure there must be some nice big trees in South Africa or England or somewhere where you can meet.
Meantime back home in Harare, things are going from bad to worse. Reports making their way to me are just terrible.
It seems Mugabe is now dishing out farms to ordinary army and police officers. But there is no seed, the fertiliser is wrong, tractors have no fuel – and it has been pouring with rain for over a week now. All these things should have been in place long back.
Newly-settled farmers have been told the government will give them money to help them become successful commercial farmers – feeding the nation.
They will also be given all the equipment stolen from the white farmers, that has not already been stolen and re-sold via the Ministry of anti-corruption.
Never in the history of our country has so much money been given to so many farmers to produce so little food. (I do hope my old friend Winston will not mind this little mis-quotation of his eloquent sentiments.)

Magaisa’s advice
* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plough around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
* Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen, anyway.
* Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
* Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.”
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
* Don’t squat with your spurs on.
* If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

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