Joy in the house of hunger

Well we are not there yet, but we are almost there.
To most Zimbabweans, it is virtually unimaginable that they can ever refer to Zanu (PF) as the opposition. The reality of this fact arrived in Zimbabwe during the late afternoon of Wednesday April 2. It was such a joy to watch the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission (ZEC) officials slowly reading the results announcement like purebred illiterates or brain- damaged zombies. The joy was really because of the content of what they were reading rather than in anything else. The MDC finally did what we all had hoped it would do in 2000. It had reduced the prime liberators of this country to a mere opposition political party in the House of Assembly. Incredible!
Robert Gabriel Mugabe must have had a fit. He could neither believe his eyes nor his wax-infested ears. How could these puppets of the West become what rrrReuben Barwe calls the ruling party? This is inconceivable, Barwe must have thought. I doubt that Reuben will ever agree to refer to More’ Morgan Tsvangirai as His Excellency, President Tsvangirai.
I strongly suspect that, like the imbecile Zimondi of Prisons, Barwe would rather call it a day and go to his Zanu (PF) allocated farm and defend’ it from those in the incoming government that might wish to snatch this precious Mugabe legacy from him and his family. I suspect there are three chickens and five goats at his precious farm.At the time of preparing this contribution, the ZEC has still not published the final results of the presidential contest, but the MDC has released results that are based on what the ZEC itself posted outside each and every polling station throughout the country.
The MDC results indicate that Tsvangirai had won the presidential election by obtaining 50.3 per cent of the total vote. This is obviously higher than the requisite 50 per cent plus one stipulated by the law.
Stories reaching this columnist indicate that Mugabe is petrified about a run-off since, in that race, he would have to compete with the indomitable and tenacious Morgan Tsvangirai. Mugabe is aware that Morgan is the most popular politician in Zimbabwe today, and he hates him with a passion. We wait to see what results the ZEC will publish in relation to this contest.Nevertheless there was much joy in the House of hunger’ when the generality of Zimbabweans received the news that Chigwedere had lost the election and become a headman. In that he makes Zimbabwean history, indeed. Oh how the mighty have fallen. From being a cabinet minister to being a traditional headman? Most people tend to move in the opposite direction. Not so for bungling Chigwedere, the man who presided over the virtual collapse of our primary and secondary education system.
Also evicted from the corridors of power was my good friend Joe Made, Mr Tractor. The poor fellow presided over the total destruction of the agricultural sector in Zimbabwe. He is very likely to miss those flights in the Agritex aircraft to assess the number of bags of maize we would harvest each season, but no sane person in this country will miss him. Great joy in the house of hunger is upon us.
Also relegated to the dustbin of politics is Chris Mushowe, the former Transport Minister. Was he not the same guy who was also responsible for allocating the presidential scholarships to close relatives of politically correct chefs and selected poor or disadvantaged students? In his heydays he is suspected of having been active in following some of the beneficiary students down south and collecting his share of the benefits’ in kind. Sickening! We must be a few centimetres from regime change. Are we there yet?