Zeroes are a big topic of conversation. Despite the fact we've been
dealing with zeroes for such a long time, people are still confused.
One friend commented that he was never taught these kind of numbers in
school. Another friend has said that it goes up in 1000s – e.g. a
billion is one thousand million, a trillion is one thousand billion.
What comes next though? And can anyone tell me if a zentillion exists?
Forget quadrillions, one friend quipped, Zentillions will be here
soon. I'm not sure if the figure even exists or if he's winding me up.
Another friend who started work on Monday said to me he felt as if he
was starting a brand new job, and that was his first day when he didn't
have a clue what was going on. The numbers he was working with a couple
of weeks before the holiday period are something completely different
now.
What did you do I asked.
He replied: I just gave up and played solitaire on my computer all day.
OK… so here's my next mind-boggler. If you are quoted 10 Trillion for a
service today, how many zeroes is that now? When you have that figure
in your mind, please add back the thirteen zeroes removed by Gideon
Gono's decrees over the years. How much is 10 Trillion dollars plus
thirteen extra zeroes, and what is the name for that figure?
Now imagine trying to write a check for that amount – squeezing all the
zeroes into the tiny little space provided in a cheque. No wonder Gono
has had to drop zeroes! The debate now is whether our Reserve Bank
genious (so brilliant he was offered a job at the World bank – ha ha)
will drop more zeroes or just give up and let people trade in forex,
which they are doing now anyway.
I have very little doubt that most people reading this post will have
zero idea what 10 Trillion is worth in a real-life context. Neither do
I, but as a Zimbabwean I can't just shake my head in disbelief
(although we all do all the time); to survive, Zimbabweans need to know
what 10 Trillion is worth today – in real-life terms (what will it
buy?), and we also need to know what it is worth in real money terms
(is this a lot of money or not?).
For example, I can tell you that on Monday, 120 billion would buy 100
South African Rands. In the supermarket, R10 would buy a loaf of bread.
So going back to the mind-boggler ten Trillion.
1 Rand is 120,000,000,000,000 / 100 = 1,200,000,000 (= Z$1,2 Billion)
Ten trillion = 10,000,000,000,000 / 1,200,000,000 = Rands 8,333.00
Or … ten Trillion will buy you 833 loaves of bread.
Is ten trillion a lot of money then? Well, yes it is, because who goes
out and buys 833 loaves of bread at a time? But the only way I know its
a lot of money is because I labouriously worked it out and I needed it
in loaves of bread and Rands to make it meaningful. I confess that my
maths is appalling and I'm not feeling to confident that I have worked
it out correnctly, even now. And I used my computer's calculator. I
kept counting and re-counting the zeroes on my screen to be sure I
hadn't tapped in one too many noughts. A slip of a finger makes a world
of difference! I have friends who can do this in their heads while
standing in a shopping aisle. I bow to them and call them geniuses –
especially since the figures then are not nice numbers but could be
something like Z$ 1,63 billion  aaaaarrrrgghhhhhhhhhhh.
Going back to the bread example… if one loaf costs R10, then it means
that that single loaf of bread costs Z$12,000,000,000 which is Z$12
billion. Or does it?
It is very very important to always remember the thirteen zeroes Gono
has lopped off. This simple fact means that a loaf of bread ACTUALLY
costs Z$120,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. I think (I'm groping in the
dark here) that that means a loaf bread now costs us Z$120 Sixtillion.
(Is there such thing as Sixtillion – please feel free to correct me in
the comments!)
Not many people buy 833 loaves of bread but occasionally a (rich)
person might want to buy themselves a new computer, or a car. Imagine
how many zeroes that would generate if quoted in Zim dollars!
Fortunately, most people aren't receptive to using Z$ anymore – but the
sad thing is that for every day we deal in the sensible values of Rands
and US Dollars marks yet another day where we witness the death of the
Zim dollar, relentlessly smashed into the pieces by stupid economic
polices and incompetence. (When I asked a street vendor how much her
wares were a couple of days ago, she responded quickly and confidently
– in Rands).
Here's the real mind-boggler: in 1980, immediately after Independence,
we had parity and Z$1 = £1. Just imagine spending 120 Sixtillion Pounds
on a loaf of bread. It is simply unimaginable. But the economy, under
the management of Zanu PF over the last 28 years, has been dropped to
these unimaginable, incomprehensible levels, and with it we've
witnessed massive poverty and social collapse. All the investment in
health and education during Zanu PF's 28 years in power have not
translated into a thriving economy and a nation of prosperous happy
people. Any good they have done in the time they have been in charge is
being wiped out along with the Zimbabwe dollar.
The Zim dollar true value these days rests in the way it usefully measures the Zanu PF led government's failures.
Zanu PF must go. Anyone who thinks that Zimbabweans are being
unreasonable or unfair to demand the end of this regime must please ask
themselves how willing they'd be to pay 120 Sixtillion POUNDS for a
loaf of bread. My guess is that they would also want a new government
to take over, and the sooner the better.