4 essentials for marriage

john_makumbeLast Sunday we discussed two parts of Genesis 2:24, namely leaving and cleaving, but we did not delve into the third aspect, become one flesh. In this contribution, JOHN & VIRGINIA MAKUMBE discuss selected aspects of becoming one flesh in order to complete the picture. (Pictured: John Makumbe)

Obviously, this relates to matters of the bedroom. I can hear some pastors groaning that this is taboo, John Makumbe, dont go there. But as usual, there is nothing sacred when it comes to educating and informing the people of God. The Bible says, My people perish for lack of knowledge, and my purpose in this as in all other contributions, is to educate and provide both information and knowledge as best as I can.

There are four essential qualities that every marriage needs. If we liken marriage to a plant, we can say the plant needs sunlight, water, soil and air. Without these, our plant will be unable to flourish and survive for any length of time. The same is the case with marriage, except that the four essentials mentioned above represent certain specific requirements of a marriage.

The sunlight represents security in a marriage. Successful bedroom relations can only occur if both spouses feel secure in their union. Security is the knowledge that my spouse is committed to me and I am committed to him/her for life. Insecurity plays havoc with bedroom activities. Security in a marriage is something that we all have to work on continuously by demonstrating our love and commitment to our spouses. Love has to be demonstrated in many ways, including verbally stating that you love your spouse on a daily basis. Other demonstrations can include giving the spouse flowers, sweets, a hug and a kiss or preparing a special favourite dish. Real love is unconditional. Every time you place conditions on your marriage you create insecurity and that may make the becoming one flesh rather difficult, if not unpleasant. Many couples struggle to get full satisfaction in the bedroom because of the lack of security.

For a plant, water is essential for the transportation of nutrients from the roots to the rest of the plant. In a marriage, water represents communication. Marriage is impossible without good communication. Women are generally good at communication while most men have to make a decision to communicate. Studies show that, on average, men utter about 12 000 words per day, while women utter about 24 000 words in the same period.

In a marriage, communication is sharing my feelings, talking about things at home, at work, talking about shopping, children and even the extended family. You need to know how much communication is needed for the success of your marriage because every marriage is different. On average, a couple needs about an hour each day to talk or be together. This does not mean that it has to be a continuous period of 60 minutes, but that at the end of the day the cumulative minutes will amount to about an hour. The soil represents the romantic setting or the emotional experience in a marriage. There are many ways of setting the romantic experience such as taking a walk together, having dinner together, holding hands, kissing from time to time during the day. These supply great nutrition to the marriage.

The idea is to give undivided attention to each other. It is unwise to take the children with you when you go for a walk or for dinner for this purpose. It is equally unwise to be talking to your spouse while watching TV or reading the newspaper. Undivided attention makes for successful and exciting bedroom encounters. Finally, the air represents the physical needs in a marriage. The main physical need is touch. Studies show that 80% of a womans physical needs are non-sexual. Women just need to be touched on a regular basis throughout the day. Eight to 12 meaningful touches are needed by a woman in order for her to maintain an emotional balance. This could be just a pat on the back or a small hug, holding hands briefly but lovingly. The touch simply says You are special to me.

With these four essentials satisfied, becoming one flesh will be glorious and enjoyable for both spouses. God created this for us but to make it effective and enjoyable we have to work on it all the time. Contact us at:[email protected]

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