Differences between men and women

The way they feel about something or someone is always also communicated to the spouse. Women tend to be relational in their communication while men are much less relational. That is why most women will enjoy watching a soccer match only if they know the names of some of the players. Men will usually focus on whether the players play well or poorly; they tend to be technical rather than relational.

Men tend to make light of some words, even including insults or jesting. They do not always take some words seriously. Women tend to take everything their spouse says very seriously. Thus, when a man says, The people in your family are very funny, a woman may easily regard this as an insult of her family while a man may quickly reply by saying, They are smart, and forget all about it.

Thus, where a man thinks he has dropped only a small pebble, the woman thinks that a whole boulder has been thrown at her. Failure to understand this difference may result in serious communication problems between the spouses. The man must know that he cannot always speak to his wife in the same language that he uses when he speaks to his men friends.

Men tend to act first to deal with a problem and then may express their feelings about that situation later. Women tend to express their feelings about a situation first and then act to resolve the problem later. That is why when news about the death of a loved one reaches the couple, the wifes immediate reaction is to cry or to mourn.

The husbands initial reaction is to start organising the transport, coffin, etc. This is not to say men do not express emotions. They just do it later after dealing with some of the problems around that situation. This is also not to be taken to mean that women do not solve the problems. That is why in between sobs, the woman will ask the husband, Have you sorted out the transport? Understanding this difference will enable spouses to appreciate and tolerate each other.

Men are usually good at answering questions directly and objectively. When asked the same question, women often answer the question in a round about way. They spice their answer by providing information that is usually aimed at justifying that answer.

I remember my wife informing me that the school where our daughter was going has a very nice blazer as part of the uniform, and she was suggesting that we should buy one for our daughter. I asked her whether it was mandatory that every pupil should have a blazer, and she answered by saying, Every parent likes their child to look smart. She did not answer the question, but she gave me an idea of what we as parents would have to do. Of course, we ended up buying the blazer even though it was not mandatory.

Understanding and appreciating these differences is important in a marriage because it enables us to accommodate each other more meaningfully. Failure to know each others language can easily lead to serious levels of miscommunication, and that can lead to unwanted marital problems.

These differences should bring the husband and the wife closer together rather than drive them apart. The crucial requirement is that we get to know them in order to know each other better.