A person is three ingredients: the mind, that is the emotions; the body, that is the physical make up; and the spirit, that is the innermost being. We therefore have three-fold relationships. Total relationship requires the involvement of all three of these components and growing in all the three areas. You can wound or ruin someones spirit by what you say or do not say, or what you do or do not do, and by how you do things. How can you find out whether you have closed someones spirit or not?
Non-verbal signs will usually indicate whether the spirit is still open or is closing. For example there will be less talk than is usually the case. The usually open door will be closed. There will be less of jokes and some of your jokes may be found not to be funny all of a sudden.
There will be sly looks and avoidance of eye-to-eye contact. There will also be distance between the person and you and there will be resistance to touch. They may turn their back to you when you are talking to them. The facial expression is usually a frown or a blank page something you cannot read or understand. There will be an attempt to hide their feelings from you as well as attempts not to correctly interpret your own facial expressions.
Other non-verbal signs include the handling of unrelated objects such as plates or utensils that may be unduly rattled or deliberately dropped noisily. The dog or the cat or even the child may be kicked or shouted at for no apparent reason.
Verbal signs will include curt answers to your questions, brief responses lacking in enthusiasm, answering without looking at you, responding with a slight frown, strange grunts and sighs for no reason at all. Verbal indicators usually take the form of I am too tired to talk; I am fine, why do you think I am not fine? and I am not in the mood for that.
There is verbal communication which has the potential of closing someones spirit. Coarse jokes can be injurious to someones spirit. For example, the husband tells his friends in his wifes presence, She treats me like a king. She is lucky to have married me. She worships the ground I walk on. These are all demeaning jokes that the wife may find objectionable, although she may not say so at that time. There are obviously equivalents of these statements uttered by the wife. These can offend and close someones spirit.
So what happens when a persons spirit is closed? They start to develop anger. They close both their mind and their body as well. That is why they will prefer not to be touched by the person who will have closed their spirit. They also become critical of everything that you say or do.
In a marriage, that can be a serious matter indeed. They resist your approach or any suggestions however good they may be. They find your jokes boring and in bad taste. Whenever you are around, they create a tense situation and will be unusually jocular and happy when you are not around or when you are not looking or listening. In other words they become happy with other people and gloomy with you in a deliberate fashion.
They hate everything you like and like everything you hate, just to spite you. For example, you like God, they dont. You hate reggae; they love it and will play it loud just to fix you. They try to be the opposite of you in every way possible. Next week we shall discuss how you can open someones spirit.
Post published in: Opinions