Last Sunday we discussed the problem of closing someones spirit by either saying or doing hurtful things. We pointed out that in a marriage, the situation can result in the spouse with a closed spirit distancing themselves from you. They become disagreeable on virtually everything to do with you.
They also become unresponsive and may lose their feelings for you. In other words, they will use their head instead of their hearts in relation to you.
They will also tend to say very hurtful things such as I hate you; I dont know what I ever saw in you. It is possible to close your spouses spirit so tight that they want to leave you. We must quickly state that the closing of the spirit does not relate only to people in a marriage or love relationship. This can actually happen between a parent and their children, or between work-mates. Most of us know some people at work that you would be better avoiding because of the way they are likely to talk to you or treat you. But just as it is possible to close someones spirit, it is equally possible to open a closed spirit.
You cannot open someones spirit by arguing and reasoning with them. You cannot open their spirit by proving that they are wrong and you are right. Logic does not come into the opening of someones spirit. A hurting person does not need a lecture, especially from the very person who may have hurt them. In fact, you close the spirit even tighter by arguing with an individual with a closed spirit.
The key is not to dishonour them; not to offend them. When you touch them you need to be soft and gentle. Ask them to explain to you your error while you listen attentively. Apologise if you are wrong, and ask for forgiveness. Talk to them softly without raising your voice. The tone of your voice must be right and not arrogant. Try your very best to be understanding.
Get the anger out, because anger is the worst enemy of relationships; it does a lot of damage. In a marriage, anger can actually wreck the whole marriage. This is one area where differences between men and women become prominent. Men do take trivial matters as trivial and will quickly get over things like slip of the tongue. Women do not seem to have this ability and will find it difficult to quickly overlook such matters.
When a man thinks that he has just dropped a pebble, a woman discovers that the man has, in fact, dropped a boulder on her. What seems trivial to a man a woman may find to be huge and unacceptable. It is therefore important to remember this difference so that we watch our words and actions and avoid hurting each other.
Opening someones spirit can lead to deep love for each other. It results in more meaningful intimacy between spouses. It often leads to respect, honour and praise for each other. It also enables the two to correct each other without hurting each other. Between parents and children, the opening of the spirit can lead to a deeper friendship and accommodation of whatever generational differences may exist.
I have found that in relation to younger peoples tastes for clothes, music and entertainment, I must be slow to condemn and quick to accommodate my childrens tastes though without giving up on mine. I also try and avoid forcing my preferred tastes down my childrens throats. It is wonderful to live in a family where there are no closed spirits and everybody is doing their best to love honour and cherish all the others.
Post published in: Opinions