Almost all families, whether Christian or not, struggle to discipline their children, at least initially. We need to remember that none of us is born a parent. We are all born as children and so we do not need to learn to be children. We all have to learn to be parents, husbands and wives. Any parent who thinks that they do not need training in parenting is probably ignorant of the critical dynamics involved in the process. If you love your children you will want only the best for them. In this contribution we will briefly examine some of the key principles that pertain to parenting.
First, we point out that although parents may be Christians, they are not super-human; they also make mistakes just like all other people. Timely training and learning is therefore useful for all parents in order to reduce mistakes in child discipline.
Secondly, there is no substitute for love in the home. Money cannot cover up for the lack of love in the home. We are talking about love between the parents as well as between them and their children. Love is a key ingredient in child discipline, and when it is missing there can be serious consequences for both the parents and their children.
The third principle is that parenting is all about nurturing, teaching and developing maturity in your children. It is not about making the child live your life or become a replica of yourself. Our children are complete individuals in their own right and cannot be made copies of ourselves.
Nurturing essentially implies the inculcation of good and positive values in our children. It implies that we ourselves should live exemplary lives reflecting the very values that we wish our children to adopt and live by.
The fourth principle is that parents should be available for their children whenever they need them. This is a non-negotiable requirement that all parents should meet. Here again, the absentee parent becomes a real liability to the childrens upbringing. Teaching and discipline should always go together as the fifth principle. When these two are separated there tends to be imbalance in the nurturing of children.
The sixth principle is that the two parents should always work as a team and not as lone rangers. When parents work together they tend to be effective in ensuring that their children are properly disciplined.
When parents work independently of each other they tend to compete for the love of their children and thereby compromise the discipline as well as the nurturing of their children. Interestingly, children are shrewd observers and will know when their parents are not working as a team. They may seek to take advantage of that arrangement to the detriment of discipline.
As children grow older, parents should expect some rebellion from some of their own children. This seventh principle should be anticipated by the parents and can be effectively dealt with in love as opposed to hostility. If this is not carefully and prayerfully handled, it can generate hatred in the children, and that is the last thing any parent should ever envisage in their children.
The eighth principle is to watch out for the-divide-and-rule principle that all children resort to as often as possible. As a ninth principle, the two parents should decide together on the kinds of disciplining they are going to use. Is it going to be the rod or just talking? At what level of misconduct does the discipline kick in? The tenth principle is to treat your children with respect, love and honour.
If you treat your children in a responsible and respectable manner, they will act in a responsible and respectable manner. The reverse is true; if you treat them as brainless morons they will act accordingly. Remember, God has entrusted His children to us.
Post published in: Opinions