Banish anger from your family

No one is forced to get angry simply because they have been wronged. Your spouse can indeed do or say something provocative and you get tempted to get angry. The truth of the matter is that you can reject anger; you can refuse to get angry. This does not mean that what will have been done or said is not bad or wrong. Neither does this mean that you gloss over the matter and, as it were, look the other side. You will still need to talk about it and settle the matter amicably, again without getting angry. This is not easy at first. Virginia and I took quite some time of practicing until we now know how to handle our tempers; we will not get angry at each other. This comes with a lot of prayer and deliberate effort to change your otherwise normal reaction when something vexing has been said or done.

This decision not to get angry is also applicable when you discipline children. One of the most critical aspects of discipline is that when a child has done something bad, the parent should not beat them up with their bare hands. The parent should always make use of a proper whip or belt to beat the child. This forces the parent to first look for the right instrument before they beat up the child. That little time between the commission of a felony and the location of the right whip enables the parent to cool down and the anger to abate. In the case where the child does not deserve to be beaten, it is possible to discuss their misdemeanour with them without getting angry. A good parent is not one who openly displays their anger in font of the children. A good parent will always make sure that love rather than anger dominates all forms of discipline, when anger dominates the disciplining of children, hatred is often the result. How many times have we watched films where the smacked child shouts, I hate you? perhaps our own children have never shouted this to us, but perhaps they simply muttered the same words under their breath. The effect comes to the same thing hardened attitudes.

The Bible teaches strongly against anger. In one place it urges us not to let the sun go down on our anger. Virginia and I adopted the system where we will not go to sleep feeling angry, or not having discussed everything that will have been done or said that day that may have displeased us.

The system works very well, and we go for many moons without ever getting angry with each other. We also agreed that the one who feels unhappy about what has been done or said by the other has the responsibility of asking for a discussion on the matter. The reason for this is that sometimes your spouse may actually be unaware that what they did or said displeased you. You cannot just take for granted that your spouse is aware that what he did or said was wrong. Matters have to be discussed frankly and amicably before you retire to bed. That way you will have the opportunity to apologise to each other and to sleep well. Anger does not only have to be controlled, it also has to be managed, or even banished from your marriage. Robert Ingersoll cautioned, Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.