Man is head but woman is not tail

The woman is not the tail or the door-mat of the family, or of the man. It is therefore wrong to treat our wives as though they were not part of God’s order of authority. Indeed, God’s order of authority starts with God the Father, then God the Son, then God the Holy Spirit, followed by man, then woman.

This divine order is quite consistent with the order of authority in most, but not all cultures. It is, for example, consistent with the majority of African cultures. Attempts to change this order have often resulted in grief for some families. There are some women who are very strong and who do not submit to their husbands in the Lord. The women try to dominate and rule over the man in the family and this can result in all kinds of problems, especially those of a disciplinary nature.

But the man’s leadership of the family must not only be because he is male while the woman is female. The headship of the family must be earned as a result of how the man plays his role as head of the family. Men who fail to perform their headship roles effectively will often be dominated by their wives. The wife will make all the critical decisions for the family; she will even carry out some of the tasks that the feeble man is unable or unwilling to carry out.

This is the kind of man who will refer you to his wife rather than make the decision himself. We are not saying the husband should not consult the wife on major decisions. On the contrary, good couples will always consult each other on all major decisions first then the man will make the final family decision and the wife will support that decision, even though she may have suggested on a different course of action.

There are also some wives who may insist on their preferred course of action, and when the husband makes a contrary decision, they either adopt an indifferent attitude or even resist or sabotage the man’s action. If the man’s decision results in some loss to the family, this kind of woman will be quick to say, “I told you so; I knew this would happen.” This is not very constructive action and will not help the family.

A good wife will accept the man’s final decision as the family decision. She will do all in her power to ensure that things do not go wrong as a result of that decision. But if things still go wrong, she will be good enough to stand by her husband instead of chiding him. She will suggest other alternatives or solutions while still submitting to her husband’s authority. A family that operates in this manner will find favour with both God and people.

Of course, feminist gurus are likely to take issue with us on this family matter. We are not saying men are more equal than women. Man and women are created equal before God. What we are saying is that they play different roles in the family according to God’s order of authority. It is a question of roles rather than that of equality. A husband who treats his wife as the tail is certainly ignorant of God’s order of authority. In most matters, husbands and wives should always strive to accommodate one another and make collective decisions. They are supposed to be one team. But then there is always the head, and he has his deputy.