Matters of the Heart

I confronted her father who referred me to her brothers but none of them would say why my wife was suffering these bouts of fainting. Later, my in-laws invited me to their homestead where my wifes brothers beat me up at her instigation.

However, my wife seems okay now following several visits to traditional healers and prophets whom I had to pay to heal her even though my brothers-in-law barred me from attending the healing sessions.

My brothers-in-law have told me to stop poking my nose into issues to do with their family and have threatened to kill me should I in future ever make the mistake of involving myself with matters to do with their family.

I have nowhere to report the intimidation and beating at the hands of my brothers-in-law because some of them are members of the police and the Central Intelligence Organisation (CIO). They have told me that even if I report the matter to the President Robert Mugabe they would never be arrested or punished for beating and threatening me. Help me, what can I do?

Justin.

Dear Justin

While I do understand that you must be feeling so devastated and also scared after the treatment you got from your brothers-in-law, it is however important that I remind you that you will not gain anything or solve anything by accepting to live in perpetual fear of these bullies.

They might be big shots in the army or in the CIO but they are certainly not above the law. Assault and threatening to kill someone are criminal acts prohibited by the law and you best bet is to go to the police and lay charges against your wifes brothers. The police will know how to handle the matter.

You might also consider obtaining peace orders against your brothers-in-law should they continue to harass you. Again, the police will be able to advise you on how to go about obtaining a peace order.

As for your wifes frequent bouts of fainting, I am glad that you say she is okay now following visits to the prophets and healers. But should the problem recur, it is also a good idea to seek professional help for her from doctors as there is a chance that this might be a problem requiring the attention of medical doctors not just traditional healers or prophets.

Gracey

My sister

I am a 17-year-old girl. I have been dating a 24-year-old guy for almost two months now. He asked me to have sex with him and I refused. But since then I have worried over whether he still loves me because he has changed his behaviour towards me, he is acting weird.

Worried Gal

Dearest sister

When I was your age I never experienced the misfortune of having a guy asking me to bed him simply because we were dating. I would say this was probably because I used to go for guys who were more or less of the same age as me and who obviously were not as experienced in these matters and were therefore unlikely to have the guts to ask for sex.

But even at a later stage when I would date more mature, confident guys, I was always clear, and firm with whomever I was dating that I would never jump into bed with them simply to make them smile. If a guy DUMPED me because I denied him sex then that was fine with me because in the first place I would not be looking for relationship that is driven by sex — or is it lust.

The bottom line is you do not need to worry when a man appears to be losing or loses interest in you simply because you said no to sex. Relationships serious ones that is — are not just about sex. Faith and trust in each other and REPSECT for each other are what oil any successful romantic relationship.

Guys or ladies for that matter who think their word is law in a relationship are simply better left alone.

But in your case the point is really that you must tell your boyfriend that you cannot have sex with him simply because you are still too young and not ready for sex. If he is a real man, as they say, he should respect your decision.

While you might be old enough to have a boyfriend, it is just too early at 17 years to be sleeping around with boys/men simply because they claim to love you. There are just too many risks involved such as unwanted pregnancy or having to cut short your studies because you have to play mother and what of HIV/AIDS and other STIs.

I would say you really should be focusing on your school, learning a trade or some other skill that can be a source of livelihood tomorrow.

And when the time comes to engage in relationships that might involve sex, remember you never sleep with a man just because you want to make them happy but because it is a mutually felt desire by both of you.

Gracey