Last Sunday we identified and briefly discussed four key needs that as human beings we have, and which can be met through marriage. This week we shall identify and discuss a further five of these needs.
The first one is closeness. Human beings are gregarious animals that need to be close to other people, especially the ones that we love. The closeness between a married couple is very special. For example, Virginia is my closest friend, and I hope that I am her closest friend as well. We love to get close to each other and to share some of our deepest feelings, fears and thoughts in confidence. Over the years we have come to get so close that we now know what helps us or hinders us in our daily lives. I am not that close to my brothers and sisters in our family.
Belonging is another critical need that humans have and which can be met through getting married. It is wonderful to belong to the very person that I love with all my heart. It is equally blessing that the one that loves me actually belongs to me. This is very different from the way my car belongs to me. My spouse belongs to me and I belong to her in a manner that does not denote property ownership. It is a very special kind of relationship where the belonging-ness is mutual. You cannot own your spouse and she cannot own you, yet the two of you belong to each other. This fulfils a deep human need.
The Bible tells us in Genesis that God said it is not good that the man should be alone. After Eve was created, Adam looked at her and said, Bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh that is the belonging we are talking about.
The third need is support. This can take the form of material, spiritual, emotional and other types of support. It essentially means standing with your spouse through thick and thin. It is essential for spouses to support each other at all times. This does not mean that we should condone our spouses bad deeds or refrain from giving them advice on alternative courses of action. It simply means that we are there for each other, and we will not do each other down. A couple that does not provide support to each other is very likely to fall apart sooner or later.
Excitement is a very serious human need. We all need to be excited from time to time. Getting married provides ample opportunities for getting excited. It is a pity when a married couple loses excitement and instead gets bored of each other. Virginia and I always get excited when we get together, and we always have fun when we are on our own. We do not need some visitor to come knocking for us to get excited. We do not need the children to get us excited.
Finally, there is the need we call acceptance, which is vital for all married couples. It is great to know that my spouse accepts me even when I am stone broke, tired, humiliated or despised. A spouse who does not feel excited by their partner obviously feels rejected. It is a great feeling to go home knowing that my spouse will accept me whether the going is good or difficult. Sometimes we do the unthinkable and become the laughing stock of the generality of the people. But we have the joy of knowing that our spouses accept us regardless of the prevailing circumstances. It is now our task to check our own marriages to find out which of these nine needs are not being met or fulfilled, and we may need to discuss this matter as a married couple. May God bless your marriage.
Post published in: Opinions