Hello my sisterIm 22 and he is turning 31 next month. Im the bread winner between the two of us and Im always honest with him about what I dont like and he says Im rude.
If I voice an opinion different from or better than whatever he would have suggested, he accuses me of not listening to what he says. Is marriage all about the wife being submissive to whatever stupid ideas the husband comes up with?
Am I supposed to be docile? I have tried talking to his sisters and they say I must listen to him as if Im such a stubborn wife. My query is: is marriage all about women being prisoners to men?
Rebel Wife
Dear sister
Certainly, marriage is not about women being prisoners to men and I should add that no woman should stay any minute longer in a relationship in which she is seen or treated as a prisoner.
But my dear, I am not convinced that your husband wants to turn your marriage into some little Chikurubi for you and therefore there is absolutely no need for you to be a rebel wife that is if you are serious about this marriage.
I must also say that I do not believe that you are such a motormouth that your husband can no longer stand you after only three months of marriage. Why marry you in the first place if he so much hates your talking too much as you put it?
What I suspect from reading your letter is that there could be a communication problem between you two, which is something that happens or develops in many relationships regardless of the age of the individuals or how long they might have been together.
In a marriage, as in any relationship, it is often not what we say to the other party that counts but how we say it. You could disagree with your husband as much as you like and that should not necessarily be cause for concern. It is how you convey the disagreement that matters!
In other words there is a way a wife — not a rebel wife — speaks to her husband which is different from the way she would speak to any other man, her father included. Likewise, there is a way a man should speak to the woman of his love which is not the same as he would speak to any woman, mom included.
Ask any elder near you and they will tell you that love, warmth, respect and even charm are some of the things you can pick in the voice of a woman talking to her husband and vice versa.
I would say that before you try anything else, please work on the communication aspect of you relationship. Talk to the family elders, they will be able to help or you could talk to your church minister, he/she will sit you two down together and take you through the paces. There are also professional marriage counsellors who can help with this kind of thing.
Gracey
Hey Gracey
Im an 18-year-old college student who is so much into modelling. Im good, tall, intelligent, and beautiful and have all it takes to be a super model. At the same time, Im studying information and technology with a local college. But I really get stressed when my college mates try to insinuate or suggest that because I do modelling therefore I am of loose morals or some kind of prostitute.
My parents do understand what I do and they trust that I would not get up to something stupid. But it is what my colleagues at college say or think about me that gets me worried and uncomfortable each time Im around them.
I cant stop doing what I love most but at the same time I dont want people thinking that I am such tart.
Beauty
Dear Beauty
What a wonderful world it would be if everyone thought positively about everybody else around them but life is not like that.
So, get on with your school and your modelling because from one of the two may come your source of livelihood or even fame tomorrow. Stay focused on trying to build a career for yourself. Try hard to develop this talent of modelling if you have it. Be the best that you can be girl.
If you are not of loose morals thats all that matters and not what your friends say or think. Besides, you could never and should never do or follow all that your friends tell you or expect you to do — because that is a recipe for disaster.
You cannot abandon modelling simply so you can look good in the eyes of your friends. What you might probably consider dropping are the friends, if you ask me.
And by the way, what kind of teenagers are these still clinging to such an archaic stereotype that all models are women or men of loose morals. Who are the citizens of the new world if this what 18-year olds are thinking?
True, there are models of loose morals. But so are there lawyers, politicians, journalists, musicians, farmers, doctors and even church pastors of loose morals.
It is not about the profession but the individual concerned!
So keep putting on your stilettos, wear your beautiful make-up and the nice designer dress and hold your head high for the catwalk you always dream of.
Gracey
Post published in: Opinions
I wonder how long the two of you dated before you were married? It’s hard to believe that your talking just became a problem? Being married is a job within itself. I have been married for almost 24 years, and we have to continue to work at marriage. I believe anything worth having is worth the work it requires. So you have a lot of work ahead of you, so I recommend that he start to talk as much as you do. You appear to be a communicator, and your husband may not know how to communicate. The key to a successful relationship is communication, but there is also a thin line between communicating with him and nagging him. So maybe he feels that you are a bit forceful when you are communicating with him. So be mindful of how and when you are voicing your opinion. This may allow him to be more open to discussions.