MORE DOs IN DISCIPLINING CHILDREN

It is unfair to surprise the children by simply announcing one evening that the following day you will all be travelling to your rural home for two days. This will normally upset the children, especially when they are grown up to teenage or higher levels. Children have their own calendars and plans, and these need to be respected as well. Good parents will always spend time with their children. You cannot afford to be too busy to spend time with your children. One of the best ways of spending time with the children is to plan to do some things together with them.

Tell your children you love them regardless of how they behave. Your love for your children must not be conditional on their behaviour. Without diminishing your love for them, look out for underlying causes of misbehaviour among your children and deal with these causes swiftly and effectively. Children like to be given responsibility because that means that they are trusted and found dependable. They grumble at first, but over time they are proud to be given responsibility. There is however a difference between responsibility and abuse. As a parent, you also need to practice self-discipline. Children will know when you as a parent suffer from bouts of lack of self-discipline. You cannot easily fool your children; they can see right through you.

It is important to remember that fatigue and time pressure do militate against good discipline for your children. Always plan to leave time and space for your family regardless of the pressure you may experience at work. Your children should be more precious to you than anything else in the world apart from your spouse. Provide stimulation for fun and for engaging in family activities from time to time. Without the stimulation, children can get bored and disinterested in whatever you as a parent may propose the family does together. A good parent is always willing to get advice and help when they face problems disciplining their children. Remember we are all born children rather than parents, and so we have many things to learn in being parents. Child discipline must always be a learning curve.

Concentrate on one thing at a time in order to not cloud the issues involved. Children need to know exactly what they are disciplined on and what issues surround that act of discipline. Choose you time to speak carefully. Weigh your words avoiding words that are full of hatred and spite. Discipline must always be couched in love regardless of the issues involved. Let Christ be the centre of all your discipline for your children. Put Him first, and use His methods of disciplining His flock and you will not go wrong.

Disciplining your children must be enriching them rather than depriving them of parental and family love. The language of discipline does not have to be harsh and cutting to the children. I know some mothers who very quickly use the word Pfutseke(voetsek) against their own children. Another word they will use is Zibenzi (foolish). These are not words that should come out of the mouth of a parent against their own children. In fact, children that are constantly subjected to this crude language end up using the very same words against other children or other people later in their lives. This can cause them to be shunned by other people. Next week we will discuss a few things not to do, or the donts in discipline. May the Lord Jesus bless your family.