The dynamics of a fused family in the African setting can be quite difficult to handle. My two sisters, both of them married, had their own families to look after. Besides, it is not really the best arrangement to have a son-in-law bring up children from his wifes family. Of course he can provide some assistance here and there, but should not be made to literally act as a parent to those children. So the two children came to live with us on full-time basis. Their mother was fortunate to get a job as a maid in some suburb where she was paid slave wages, as is the usual practice among some households.
Fair treatment
To what extent can we treat the five children now under our care equitably? Our three children were going to a mission boarding school and the fees were fairly high. We then asked ourselves whether we should send my late brothers two children to the same school or look for a cheaper day school for them. We both agreed that the two adopted children would have to be treated in exactly the same manner that we treated our own children. So we sent them to the same boarding school where their cousins went. While they were at boarding school, we treated all of them in the same manner and there was no discrimination whatsoever as far as we were concerned. The children also loved each other very much and there were no quarrels about who were the real children and who were the adopted ones.
Trouble
Trouble began when Virginia and I sat down to write our wills and final testaments, as they are called. I was of the view that my late brothers children should have a share in my will, but my wife, Virginia opposed this and said that on this matter, our children cannot be equal to the adopted children. In fact, she preferred that our wills should not mention the two adopted children at all. They are not to inherit anything from us. They should be grateful that we are bringing them up and treating them very well as if they are our children. It grieved me that these children would actually not inherit anything since at the time their father died; he had not accumulated any meaningful wealth. In my view, these were now my children and they deserved to receive an inheritance from me just as much as my biological children expected to receive.
We took this matter to the couples group at church and there were so many divergent views that to date the matter has not yet been resolved. Some people argued that although it is good to enable the two adopted children inherit something from us, they should get much less than our biological children would get. Others felt that Virginia was correct to argue that the two children should be grateful that they were being cared and provided for by people who were not their biological parents. A third group totally agree with me arguing that since we treated all the five children equally from the time we adopted the two, the same treatment should also apply when it comes to inheritance. What would you suggest that we do? makumbe60@gmail.com
Post published in: Opinions