Tradition versus Christian practice

In some ethnic groups, before the young lad is given away in marriage, her aunties organise an oil vase which contains all kinds of medicines to help her to protect her marriage. This chinu is secretly kept away from the husband and his folk in order to preserve its powers. It is our strong view that a good Christian girl will not accept such protection. She will therefore refuse to let vanatete (aunts) organise the chinu for her. Christian girls who have already accepted this superstitious item will be best advised to get rid of it as soon as possible. Magic will not protect anyones marriage.

Go between

Still on the issue of marriage, we know some churches that have the practice of insisting that their young men should make use of one of the church elders as their munyai or samukuru. This is the person who acts as the go-between the son-in law to be and his relatives, and those of the bride to-be. We do not agree with this practice since marriage is a family affair. The church should not interfere in this process except by invitation. Rather, the groom to-be should discuss with his own extended family and choose a suitable munyai to do the job. In the same manner, we totally disagree with those churches that have often taught that at the wedding, the young lady can be given away by the pastor of the church or by one of the elders.

We believe this can only be done by the girls father, uncle or brother. It must be done by a member of the girls family, and not by the church. Giving away of the bride by the father ensures parental consent and must be insisted upon even if the parents are not believers. It is wrong for the church to take over the functions of the family where the issue of sin is not involved. The church can only come in to support and bless the wedding. In these difficult times, when young people cannot afford to finance a wedding, the church should come in and assist them as much as possible.

Marriage vows

The vows that are made during the wedding are another point of young peoples discussions these days. When we wedded in 1986, yes, some twenty-four years ago, we devised our own vows and asked the pastor who married us to read them. We were not comfortable with the usual vows of …in sickness and in health…rich or poor… We felt like by pronouncing those vows we were, in a way, cursing our own marriage. We replaced the words noted above by I will love you unconditionally… We are not saying every marriage where the other vows are used is necessarily cursed; but we preferred to devise our own vows and fortunately our marriage officer was liberated enough to agree to use them rather than the conventional ones.

Young people, devise your own vows after much prayer and after agreeing on them. Finally, there is the issue of the honeymoon. This is not really an African traditional practice, although a lot of young people now insist on going away on a honeymoon soon after the wedding. This is essentially a Western practice and there are no spiritual connotations surrounding it. The problem arises when a young couple cannot afford to go on a honeymoon. We have often suggested that they should simply take two or three days away from home and in some reasonably priced lodge not too far away from home. All they need is time to be alone and begin to get used to each other. May the good Lord bless your marriage.