Parents give numerous reasons for holding onto their children and not letting go. Some argue that they would like to be good parents therefore they need to make sure that their children behave in a certain (acceptable) way. This is obviously a way that is acceptable to them and not necessarily to their children.
It is rarely ever considered that the children may be quite different from their parents and may want to do certain things differently. A good parent will allow their children to choose the way they want to do things even if this may be different from the way they would do them.
Another reason often given is that children need to be told what to do and they must do what they are told to do. This is only correct up to a point in the childrens growth. After a certain stage, it is necessary to allow children to select their own path in life. It is not necessary to tell them what to do and how to do it. A child who becomes over-dependent on their parents regarding what to do will tend to become handicapped in life when they will have to make some serious decisions in the absence of their parents.
A third reason that is often mentioned by some parents is that it is their duty to care for their children since their children never asked to be born. Surprisingly such parents will not wait for the children to ask to be advised or to be helped in charting their way forward, but the parent will still wish to carry out their so-called duty, anyway. Other parents are of the view that when a child gets into trouble, it is the parents duty to bail the child out. The truth of the matter is actually that children learn more from life when they have to bail themselves out of trouble instead of being assisted by their parents.
Some parents regard it as their job to protect their children from all kinds of danger. They say their job is to look out for danger and ensure that their children are not exposed to such danger. This is quite unwise since the parent cannot always be with the child. Letting go requires that we allow the child to experience exposure to danger as well as learn how to avoid such danger on their own.
There are many things that parents can never experience in order to protect their children from danger. A good parent will allow their children to go through life with a learning mind and an attitude that knows that there is a certain order in the world, and if you violate that order, the world will discipline you accordingly.
Then there are those parents who think that if they let go of their children then they are likely to suffer, to fail in life, or to be disappointed in one way or another. Such parents think that by not letting go they are able to protect their children from these negatives. Nothing can ever be further from the truth. Children make choices in life, and they will have no alternative but to pay the price of their choices. Parents who are reluctant to let go run the risk of damaging their children in later life.
Post published in: Opinions
I have parents that like to tell me what I should and should not do all the time. I try to tell them I need my own space and I don’t want them to help me with everything, But the response I get is I don’t appreciate what I have. And then I’m threatened with “then should I stop providing for you if you dont need my help.” They tell my I cant be trusted to be on my own because I dont fear death.. I don’t know where that comes from. I honestly believe if I was to send this article to them, they still would not understand what I’m trying to tell them. Instead I will probably get a response like Im be disrespectful, and after all they have done for me I dont appreciate it. I’m not trying to say that I dont appreciate what they do for me, and I probably don’t even know how I could thank them for all that they have done for me and is still doing. But sometimes its that very thing that makes me feel trapped by them.