I have been in love with my college sweetheart for three months now. I am 23, he is 27. He is still taking our relationship casually and sometimes I’m left suspecting that he is dating other girls behind my back. If I ask him about other suspicious phone calls he receives from other women while with me he says they are just friends from Facebook.
I am not someone who dates for fun; I need someone who takes me seriously. I love him and we have so much in common. He is a diploma graduate in a programme I’m studying and most of the time he is helping me study. But I just don’t get why he does not want to commit. How can I make him mine and mine alone? – Sista
Dear Sista
I’m sure there are a number of sisters out there who are also wondering how they can get their men committed. But I must say that three months is not a long time for a relationship. These things take time to develop.
From what you have said you seem to pour all the blame on your man as one person who is dating you for the fun of it. Just take this back at you for a minute; have you ever wondered what it is you are doing wrong that may be discouraging him from committing?
Well, no one is to blame really but I think you need to change the way you interact with him. From what you say, you guys are spending most of your time together discussing your course. Maybe you are thinking if you show him how energetic you are about education you will win him. Of course you will win his brains but not his heart. Love is not logical, it is emotional.
Take time away from your studies and spend time with him talking to him on a more emotional level. This will help him become emotionally available. Sticking to studying with him could make him think, “What happens if I commit to this woman? A lifetime of boring study. No thanks!”
If you want him to stop dating other women while seeing you then you need to stop behaving like just any woman to him. Respect him, shower him with a bit of admiration and appreciation and always be there to encourage him in every step of his life. Try not to make it all about you. Make it all about him – without being a yes-woman though – and you will see that in the end you have traded a bronze for the gold. – Gracey
Post published in: Lifestyle