Girl trouble

Dear Gracey

I am a 24-year-old man and I have a problem with my girlfriend of 21. We have been together for three years, and the problem started this year when I came back from Mozambique where I spent a year working. My going to Maputo was an agreement between the two of us. I was so faithful to her and I never double-crossed her. As soon as I came back, she started having an affair. She denies it, but her friend says it is true. What should I do since I love this girl? – Wlmark

Dear Wlmark

Be careful to listen to what your girlfriend’s friends tell you. You should not believe everything you hear from other people about the woman you love. If she is denying it, then why do you choose to believe the negative from her friends?

I am not saying ignore the possibility of her seeing someone, but you should not openly show your mistrust of your partner by choosing to listen to what other people say. Sit down with your partner and get the truth out of her. If she is still committed to your relationship, give her a chance. – Gracey

Trusting a rapist

Dear Gracey

My boyfriend of six months has been charged and convicted of rape in the past. He told me all about it when we first met and how he has been a changed person. I believed him and all has been well, but he tried to force me into bed with him last month, only to fail because I had kicked him in the groin. Now I hear rumors that he raped his 12-year-old niece when he lived at his brother’s place. I don’t know what to think about him, he tells me they are all malicious accusations meant to destroy our relationship. Can I really invest my trust in him? – Nolly

Dear Nolly

Your boyfriend has got a history of rape and he has now tried to rape you. You don’t want him to rape you before you believe that he is not sorry for what he did in the past and is not the changed man he claims to be.

He has already given you a hint that he has not changed, nor will he ever change by trying to force you into bed with him. The allegations that he recently raped his niece have not been presented with concrete evidence, but you are someone who knows his past and what he is capable of. He is not worth your trust. You deserve better, you need someone who respects you and treats you with respect.

You can choose to trust him and hope that he will change, but there will not be any guarantee that you will be pleased with the outcome in the end. Just make a wise decision knowing that you deserve better. – Gracey

Who will marry me?

Dear Gracey

I met a man who robbed me of my virginity. He promised to marry me, only to tell me after three months that he is already married. Now he no longer calls me. Will I ever get married when I’m no longer a virgin? I am also worried that my mother still thinks otherwise. I still love him. What do I do? – Worried girl

Dear Worried girl

You are to blame for all that happened, but you cannot live your life regretting or holding on to what is not real – move on sis! You say the man is married and is no longer interested in you, then why should you try to stay in a relationship with someone like that?

You need to learn from that experience and make sure that you do not let yourself fall in the same pit again. If you do not realize what kind of a loser this man is, you will end up the biggest loser in the end. He will take advantage of you again, abuse your trust and remind you that he is already married.

You will still find an understanding man, who will love you truly and marry you despite the fact that you are no longer a virgin. Your mother does not need to know if you think she will make a big fuss out of it – unless you are pregnant. Just stop worrying, forget about him and move on. – Gracey

Post published in: Opinions & Analysis

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