Matters of heart

Dear Aunty Lisa

My wife and I are planning on having our fifth child. She loves children the same way I do. We both don’t have a problem with a big family we are planning on having. But the problem is her family who think that it’s some sort of abuse of women. They take me for a ruthless man who does not understand the pain that comes with labour. They try to come up with all negative comments about how we are going to look after a big family “in these difficult times.” Sometimes I get so confused whether we should reconsider, but we both know we want to go for the fifth one. What do we do? – Daddy T

Dear Daddy T

It is clear you know what you want and your wife is in agreement with it. So, don’t let other people’s wishes stop you from following your own. You are both adults who know what they are doing and who I believe have plans on how you will take care of your big family. I am not saying you should not listen to other people’s advice. Your family loves you that is why they are there to give you advice. You should see where they are coming from and understand why they speak against your plans. It may be because they are speaking from experience, they know how difficult it is raising a big family. Do not shut them off, but listen to them and try to explain to them how you plan to take care of your own. They are the very people you will need to turn to when the going gets tough. – Aunty Lisa.

Not a virgin

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am a 26-year-old man who is considering getting married. I recently told my girlfriend of six months that I am a virgin, and learnt that she is not a virgin. I love my girlfriend and I have no doubt she loves me so much. She has never given me any reason to suspect her of cheating or faking her love for me.

I have always dreamt of marrying a virgin girl who I know will always be faithful to me and know no other man but me. Will I be judging her correctly to say she is not trustworthy because she is not a virgin? – Saint G

Dear Saint G

I respect your decision to stay a virgin until the age of 26, but you need to understand that it was your decision and the circumstances in your life promoted that. So it is wrong to judge other people who are not virgins.

Some are not because of unfortunate circumstances in their lives that include rape and it will be unfair to say they are unfaithful and untrustworthy. I do not know how your girlfriend lost her virginity but if you are convinced that she loves you and you feel the same way, what happened in her past love life should not stop you from marrying her. It is certainly not true that women who are married after losing their virginity will turn out to be unfaithful. Your girlfriend can turn out to be a very loving, responsible and trustworthy woman who will value your marriage more than anything. Give her a chance to show you how she values what is between you and her. – Aunty Lisa

My lying friend

Dear Aunty Lisa

My friend is so arrogant; she thinks she is always right and that she knows everything. She cannot take advice from me or anyone. She does not listen to my stories and always wants me to listen to what she says. Most of the time she makes up stories that are clearly untrue and I get so annoyed.

I feel like she takes me for granted and think that I am that gullible. It becomes so annoying really when she lies and I know she is lying and she expects me to keep listening. What can I do?- Caro

Dear Caro

What your friend needs is a frank and candid response to all her lies. Why should you pretend you believe her? If you are clear with her that you know she is lying and you don’t like it she will get to respect you and never take you for granted. Her behaviour shows that she simply has lack of respect for you and you need to point it out to her that you are not as gullible as she thinks you are.

She needs to respect other people’s views as well. But on the other hand, if she is your friend it is good that you know her character; her lying habit is her weakness. We all have weaknesses. It is our friends’ and family’s tolerance of such that makes them special. Just make sure that your friendship is something that both of you enjoy and not endure. – Aunty Lisa.