Trust issues

I recently discovered that my husband is communicating with his ex-girlfriend who just came back from the U.K. He insisted that they were friends some time ago when I complained about their communication and told me that she was happily married. Well that much I don’t know and I know he cannot be sure, what I know is that the woman may still love him. Am I being insecure? I do trust my husband but honestly l don’t trust him with her around, he is human and may give in to her cunning ways. I love my husband, I believe in our marriage and I don’t want anything or anyone to tear us apart. What do I do? – Stressed Wifey

Dear Stressed Wifey

I totally understand your worry, ex-girlfriends and boyfriends are usually a threat to most marriages and it is just wise to cut all communication ties with these people once one is married. They need to be told about the ‘status-quo’ and communication need only continue if there are children involved or maybe in case of working partners, but ONLY with work-related issues.

I am not denying that people can be friends after being lovers, but if one’s wife or husband is uncomfortable with the friendship then I don’t see it worth maintaining. If you have talked to your husband about it before and he insisted that there was really nothing going on, I guess you need to give him the trust he deserves and observe from a distance how things go.

I have always argued that trust has nothing to do with this because many people would blame their partner for not trusting them after being confronted for this kind of issue. But if one believes in his/her marriage and loves their other half so much they have every right to question the friendship without being questioned about their trust.

I suggest you keep reminding your husband how important your marriage is to both of you, your kids (if you have any) and how much you love him. Most importantly always pray to God to fight for your marriage against any external forces that may separate you. Only God can see his whereabouts every day and has the power to protect him against any kind of temptation that may lead him into doing what he may later regret.

My point is, yes you may be tempted to sit down and talk to him about it again – which is not bad as I always encourage couples to communicate – but neither him or you will have control of certain circumstances. Your prayers will help you as the man above takes control and when he does, I promise you nothing will separate you. – Aunty Lisa