Berot Ndlovu (53) opened up to The Zimbabwean on how he had suffered at the hands of his wife Fadzai Gumbo during their 16 years of marriage.
“Everything that I did in the house was always wrong and my wife would beat me with any objects she could lay her hands on. I have permanent scars all over the body and can no longer twist my middle finger as she bit me, almost ripping it off,” he said.
For years Ndlovu did not speak out as he was embarrassed about his situation and afraid of what society would say.
“Being a man and wanting to protect my ego, I never mentioned my situation to anyone. This matter remained in my heart though – I was burning inside. I was afraid of becoming a laughing stock in my community,” he added.
Fred Misi, the director of Varume Svinurai, a men’s forum, said although men were physically stronger than women that did not necessarily make it easier to escape the violence in most relationships.
“An abused man faces a shortage of resources, skepticism from police and major legal obstacles, especially when it comes to gaining custody of his children from an abusive mother. At the moment men’s concerns are being over shadowed as there is a general belief that women are the only victims of domestic violence,” Misi explained.
Ndlovu said financial constraints in the house worsened his situation as he could not provide enough for the family.
“Our problems were emanating from the fact that I did not have adequate money. My wife would scold at me saying I was not a man enough. At one point she pulled my private parts saying that was the only thing that showed I was a man,” Ndlovu added.
When Ndlovu confided in his brother he was encouraged to stay with his wife as he was old and needed someone to look after him.
“When I told my brother about my situation he could not believe me but later encouraged me to stay. He said I was getting older and needed a partner who could look after me,” he said. But earlier this year he decided he could no longer bear his situation and left his family in Westgate, Harare. He is now staying alone at a farm in Chivhu.
Victoria Mapxashike, Director for Happy Marriages Consultancy, acknowledged that many men were being abused but were not keen to discuss their marital problems. “ I have assisted a few men and you can tell that they were not comfortable in our discussions. Sometimes they leave in the middle of the discussion and never return,” Mapxashike said.
Netty Musanhu, the director for Musasa Project, a leading women’s organisation, said the number of men who were victims of domestic violence remained suppressed compared to that of women.
According to the 2011 Zimbabwe Demographic and Health Survey, 1 in 4 women reported that they had experienced sexual violence and 1 in 3 women aged 15 and 49 had experienced physical violence since the age of 15.
“Moving forward let’s fight as a nation to do away with all forms of violence be it against men or women. There is need for government to implement gender-based laws, just having them on paper is not enough,” said Musanhu.
Post published in: News