Want to get rich? Get into politics!

I mean, how else would you describe someone who chases away clients who attempt to recharge their phones in his beer shop because they are too poor to afford generators in this era of power cuts? I have also heard that at one time last year, he impounded three cattle that strayed onto his farm and demanded compensation from his hapless neighbour whose son was careless enough to let the beasts stray. He claimed the compensation, in the form of a goat, was for a damaged perimeter fence. Needless to say, his goods are too expensive.

But I was amused recently when I heard that he had knocked one or two cents off the price of bread, mealie-meal and cooking oil, and he is now in the habit of visiting people and smiling at them. Most of us never thought he had a sense of humour, because he never laughed at any joke. That aroused my curiosity and, without much ado, I found out why he had undergone such a miraculous transformation. He intends to run as a councillor in the next elections! Frankly I don’t see anything that would enable him to represent the people effectively. He dislikes them. He looks down on them. Why would he want to represent them as a councillor? What has all of a sudden transformed him into a Good Samaritan?

If you thought that this guy was good enough to be a character in a prize-winning African novel, think again. There are thousands more out there who are hawkishly eyeing seats as MPs or councillors – but have no intention whatsoever of genuinely representing the people. All they are after are riches and power, and never the people. I would safely say 99.99 percent of the people who are coming out of their closets to claim they have the welfare of the people at heart, here and there deceiving them with a packet of sugar, are really enemies of the people.

I smile when I hear that four or five thousand people have applied to run as councillors on this or that party ticket. I watch with pained amusement as they shove each other off, get their opponents’ arrested by the cops and engage in all manner of smear campaigns.

The campaigning season is exciting indeed, as aspiring candidates do all sorts of unimaginable things. In the case of my “rich” neighbour, I hear from impeccable sources that he is scanning his opponents’ records to find out if they have ever been alone with a young girl so that he can buy someone to press rape charges against them. Again, I wonder why that would make him a good leader, because the family of his victim would suffer if he were to succeed with his shenanigans. These sorry-minded candidates are, of course, justified in regarding politics as some kind of El Dorado, because history and the present are littered with so many examples of people who have gotten into politics and become filthy rich – at the expense of the people, of course.

There are so many individuals whom I know would not be where they are now had they not used politics as a ticket to ill-gotten wealth. Quite a number are serving cabinet ministers or top cats here or there.

Who doesn’t remember Morgan Tsvangirai’s words when he talked about corruption in the MDC recently. “Some of you were moving around in flip flops (mapatapata) before you became councillors but are now driving posh cars,” he said. Yes, I have several friends who fall into this category. They didn’t exactly walk barefoot before being elected into office, but they had nothing to their names. They got access to and illegally sold housing stands and demanded all sorts of bribes from the people in exchange for favours. They built houses in posh suburbs and now own some businesses, in addition to one or two small houses. Some of them are what is now commonly known in South Africa as tenderpreneurs.

So my neighbour is a good student. Since he is not content with the modest riches he has, the best way to boost his largesse is to get into politics, gain access to more industrial land and make people queue before him with bribes. As they say, if you want to get rich, get into politics. It’s never about the people. – For feedback, please write to majonitt@gmail.com