Dear Aunty Lisa
My husband has such lazy bones. He hardly does anything when he comes back from work. He drowns himself in the sofa and becomes another big baby. He can’t even consider that I will be tired from watching and caring for our kids the whole day. We have two-year-old triplets and they are very active. They appear like they have been plugged each time they wake up.
I wish he could relieve me when he comes home, or at least notice that my hands are full and not add to my load. I love him, and he is a loving man. He used to understand by helping me but nowadays all he does is fall asleep and starts snoring on the sofa. I am done complaining – now I don’t know what else to do, please help? – Mai Three
Dear Mai Three
Wow you have a lovely family – triplets can be a whole lot of work but they are fun and a blessing. I’m sorry for all the hard work you do unnoticed; sometimes all you need is a little appreciation. That can fuel your energy and urge you to keep doing what you are doing without complaining. But sometimes we lose it as women each time we open our mouths to put our point across. You say your husband used to appreciate and help you with the kids. Then what went wrong?
From what you said at the beginning of your letter, I gather you are one woman who calls her husband names when she is disappointed, angry or frustrated. If you have ever called your husband “lazy bones” to his face, that is wrong.
It is such statements that make them “lazy” and “proud” to be so. He now sees no reason to help you with anything because in his mind his wife is never going to appreciate him. As much as you need appreciation he needs it too, if not more than you. Remember he has not been “snoring on the sofa” the whole day. If he is coming from work it means he is just as tired as you are. But as you maybe both equally tired you need to help each other with the last chores before retiring to bed. You can only get that from a man when you show him appreciation of his hard work for the family and admiration for his masculine nature in handling such a tough day at work.
Why not inspire him to do more and to want to please you? Remember how our husband’s simple touch can sometimes just turn the little flames in our hearts. Just how their reassuring voice that they love us even when we know they do can make us go crazy about them like the first date. Sometimes you don’t need to ask for his help, tell him how unelpful he is at that moment or complain; it is funny how our own acknowledgement of their hard work can empower them to keep moving.
Welcome your man home with a smile, admire and appreciate him and he will look forward to being at home, and willing to stay awake and help you until you both retire to bed. – Aunty Lisa
Is this normal?
Dear Aunty Lisa
My two-week-old son often has a hot body. Each time I check his temperature it will be around 38 degrees. Everything seems normal with him except that. Is there such thing as a normal temperature for individual kids and is this reason to worry? – Delia
Dear Delia
I am not sure if there is such a thing as “individual kids’ temperature” but I know that a normal temperature is between 36.4 to 37.4 degrees. Anything above or below that is a cause for concern. Things are not normal with your kid and you should have her checked by a paediatrician. Such small babies are vulnerable to various infections at birth and when they are trying to adjust to the conditions of the “outside” world. You should never relax if you notice anything like a high temperature. You need medical experts to prove that she is fine before you can relax. – Aunty Lisa
Weird fantasies
Dear Aunty Lisa
I am 17 and I am weirdly attracted to my cousin brother. He is so cute and a lot of times I fantasise about him as my husband. Is this really normal? I am afraid if anyone finds out about my fantasies they will think I am insane. But the bottom line is: he is such a fine man. – Judy
Dear Judy
Your cousin is your brother. This is just as weird as fantasising about your Dad being your husband just because he is “cute” and “fine.” The problem with fantasising, dreaming and wishing is that you have to know where to draw the line. Our fantasies maybe serious to the extent of ruling the way we live and I don’t want you to end up a victim of your own crazy fantasies. Please snap out of it and know that there will be a “cute” and “fine” man, a total stranger, you will meet one day and marry as your husband. Start fantasising about your cute cousin brother as your kids’ future uncle instead. – Aunty Lisa
iPod tantrums
Dear Aunty Lisa
My daughter is 12months has a bad tendency of throwing herself all over the place crying if I take my iPod away from her. She shows a lot of frustration and anger which I do not understand. And after she does that I give her back the gadget and she smiles. Is this normal? – Fungai
Dear Fungai
Your daughter is normal in showing disappointment and anger when something she loves is taken from her. But it is the amount of exposure to you iPod you are giving her that I am worried about.
You need to be very strict about this or she will soon develop a bad addiction to in, which is very unhealthy. It is amazing how babies can start to notice motion movement on the television as early as three months – but too much exposure to this is really bad for them.
They need to learn to play with their toys, interact with other kids and their family members before they become some sort of zombies with these electrical gadgets that the world of technology is inventing. You need to persevere with disciplining her. Don’t let her play with any gadgets for more than 20 minutes a day. When you take the iPod away, give her something else to play with or a book to read instead – try to swap her, don’t just take it. Or give her a special cuddle or kisses – try to show her that there is something better than that gadget. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle