Was I wrong to tell the truth?

Dear Aunty Lisa

I came back home from work the other day; my husband was off work so he was home with the kids as we sent our maid off for the weekend. He had made a surprise for me. He had prepared us dinner – something he had never done before. The cooking was a disaster. The sadza was so bad and hard it could build another amazing Great Zimbabwe.

The soup was watery with peas and carrots floating all over. The meat was half-done. He asked for my opinion and I honestly told him that it was a wasted effort and that he should have waited for me –cooking is just for us women. He has been angry with me and accused me of disrespecting him. Why did he ask for my opinion if he didn’t want it? Was I wrong to tell him the truth? – Mai Patricia

Dear Mai Patricia

Telling the truth is a good thing and should always be encouraged. But there are times where we have to know how we tell our truths. People are sometimes angry at hearing the truth because of how they hear it; it is the way they are told that leaves many upset.

Your man had done this to surprise you –though it seemed to shock you. It is not every man that cooks for their wives and this has wrongly given you the idea that “cooking is just for us women.” Men can also cook – just like women are working in professions that were once deemed a ‘no go area’.

He needed the honest feedback about how the food tasted and how the whole meal was in general. But there was no need to shoot him down like that. You needed to tell him the truth in a much more polite way. He would have accepted that the meal was bad if you had at least shown that you love the fact that he did it all for you.

The next time you cook, why not ask him to join you in the kitchen and show him how it’s done so that he does it better next time.

But in this case I doubt he ever wants to be seen in the kitchen because you have made it clear that only you can do it best. You have erected a wall between him and the kitchen. His feelings and sensitive male pride were hurt when you said those things and I don’t blame him.

You should learn to be loved and appreciate his efforts to do so. This is the reason why you find some men claiming that, ‘women are difficult to love.’ You need to apologise to him and show him some appreciation. So, to answer your question, you were not wrong in telling him the truth, it was how you told him. There was no need to even tell him that it was a “wasted effort.” – Aunty Lisa

Post published in: Lifestyle

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