Too young to marry

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am a 19-year-old girl and have been seeing a guy aged 22 for the past three years. He recently proposed marriage, which I turned down. He says his life ambitions would be realized only if he got married.

The problem is that I do not want to rush into marriage and I have not known him enough to tie the knot, since he moved to South Africa in the first year of our relationship. I feel like quitting but am afraid this might hurt his feelings. I need your help aunty. – Confused

Dear Confused

There is no need to be confused. You have a good reason for turning down his marriage proposal, which is that you are not ready. Yes you have decided not to marry him because you are not ready but I have not seen the reason of you planning to walk out of the relationship. It is one thing feeling that you are not ready for marriage and another to have no feelings for the person.

What you need to find out from yourself is whether you turned down your boyfriend’s proposal because you were not ready or you have fallen out of love with him. That answer will be the key to your next step. If you no longer love him you need not pretend you still do because he will still be hurt to find out that you no longer love him.

You cannot live a lie, he will certainly be hurt to have you walk out of his life but you cannot be unfair to yourself as a way of being fair to your partner. I won’t lie that he will not be hurt – especially after looking at taking the relationship to the next level. But you need to follow your heart. And he will get over it. You care about him but in the end it is all about what your heart wants, what makes you happy for the rest of your life. And the rest of your life is a VERY long time indeed – just remember that in any decision you make. – Aunty Lisa

Post published in: Lifestyle

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