Sadly, these animal tendencies are still very much part of some human fathers. What is even sadder is that society easily forgives the many men who make a conscious decision to opt out of their children’s lives, only pitching when it is convenient to them.
If it is a girl child, they will pitch when the child is getting married to claim lobola and disappear again. Others pitch only if the child has money and think they can benefit.
A close friend confided that the father of her child had made it clear that he did not want to be involved in the child’s life because he had a new family. She says her heart was broken, not for herself but for her child- who would never experience fatherly love. She was concerned as to whether she would be a well-rounded and balanced person. She also worried what she would say to her child once she started asking questions like, “How come I am the only one without a daddy?”
Uninvolved parents do not seem to realise the damage and anger caused by their absence from their child’s life – particularly when they appear and expect their children to be grateful that they have decided to walk back into their lives.
What absent parents do not realise is that they play a big part in forming angry and deprived children. Although many children raised by single mothers grow up to be fulfilled individuals, many still lack and crave the attention of a male role model in their lives.
According to a 2013 research by the University of Johannesburg in South Africa, 55% of African rural children under the age of 15 have absent living fathers compared to 43% of African children in urban areas.
According to the report, although the presence of a father in a child’s life does not necessarily lead to positive outcomes, generally absence of a father is associated with negative outcomes for children and women. Experts have reported that although a father’s physical presence alone is not necessarily a positive outcome in itself, widespread father absence has detrimental consequences for families and for society as a whole.
It’s been reported that children who grow up without a father suffer emotionally, intellectually and socially, resulting in low self-esteem, abuse and over-compensatory masculine behaviour.
The UJ report says it is important to work towards deconstructing dominant notions of fathers as merely financial or material providers. Emphasis should also be placed on alternative fatherhood roles such as fathers’ ability to provide time, care or affirmation. Some fathers believe that if they don’t have the financial means to support their children, they cannot have a relationship with them, while others believe paying maintenance makes up for their physical absence. While some fathers are absent from the lives of their children due to career and other choices, others make a conscious decision not to be involved for reasons best known to themselves. Today’s society is looking for responsible, committed fathers.
Post published in: Analysis
Fathers have no idea how vital they are to children. A friend’s father bashed her teeth out as young girl and he was shocked to learn later that she decided to be a lesbian – who hated all men! Any violence in any adult towards a child can change its life – and i am not referring to normal disciplinary measures. I am talking about the man who threatens his child with, “I brought you into this world and I can take you out!” A Counsellor recently shared with me that when a couple split up, and he ignores the children from then on, there is always one child who believes it is totally responsible for its breakdown of the marriage and the father leaving the marital home. Sometimes a scorned wife will dish the dirt on him once he has quit the domestic scene which makes his image 10x worse that it is. But if you contribute regularly and take an interest in her upbringing your child, she cannot afford to damage your child’s impression of you, Daddy. Men, be warned, your child could grow up to be the President of a great multinational and where would that leave you? Or, a famous musician overseas. And worse still, in your old age you might end up desperate for a Carer or a few pence to see you through to your next dawning of reality – and then who will you have to turn to?