The news coming out of Syria continues to be unbearable. Libya is still on the boil. In the DR Congo, thousands are fleeing across the borders, fearing for their lives as the election results are about to be announced. The wars in Afghanistan and Pakistan rage on. None of these places is too far away or too foreign. I know women there. They are my friends. I worry about them. I text. I email. Being a global citizen means you curl your toes each time you watch the news.
The so called ‘security forces’ and law enforcement agencies continue to frighten me and other women out of our wits. In my home number two, the South African Police service decided that adopting militarised titles and ranks was the way to…..what? Instill discipline? Show seriousness? Give the service more gravitas? Induce fear? Each time I enter Rosebank police station to get my documents certified, I am greeted by a “colonel”, and sometimes a “lieutenant” looks over his shoulder.
Very afraid
I clutch my bags in fear. I smile feebly and answer their questions with too many words, and run out as soon as I can. Thankfully I have never had to report a crime, or ask to be taken to a place of safety by these “soldiers”, because I just don’t know where they would take me! I don’t feel secure with a policeman called “general”, no matter how much he smiles, or tries to convince me he is here for my protection.
In home number one, my state President goes by the grand title of, “Comrade Robert Mugabe, the President of the Republic of Zimbabwe, the First Secretary of Zanu (PF) and commander in chief of the armed forces”. This for a man with seven university degrees!
Being told that the president is the commander in chief of the armed forces is not meant to make me respect the man. It says, “Be very afraid. He has guns. Pointed at your head. One move we don’t like and we pull the trigger”. I know who is in control. And if I forget I am reminded on the hour every hour by the Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation.
In control
I curl my toes. I draw my knees together. That is the effect men in uniform have on me. The military industrial complex announces itself, advertises itself and reminds us ‘they’ are in control of our countries, our lives, our bodies.
But it is not only these visible manifestations of our militarised world that make me insecure. Going to the supermarket makes me frightened. I am scared to see the price of food. I worry about whether there will be enough months left at the end of the money. I am too scared to ask a woman with three children how she lives on $20 a month.
Recently I took my son to a doctor and she asked for $50 just to write a referral note to the radiographer. In the space of two weeks I have buried two women, both aged 44, both died from diseases that could have been easily managed. I don’t fear death. I fear an undignified and painfully unnecessary death, such as I have seen countless times around me.
A lot can happen in 16 days. And it did! So we come to the end of this year’s 16 days of activism against gender based violence. It has been an amazing two decades of organising by women, and a few good men, all over the world. Who says the feminist movement is small, insignificant and the changes it has brought can’t be “measured? This is what success looks like!
So what does security mean to me? It means uncurling my toes, unclenching my knuckles, free of fear – real or imagined, and living a life of dignity, experiencing sexual and other kinds of pleasure, and having the right to make choices.
– This article is part of RAU’s 16 Days of Activism series
Post published in: Analysis