My grade six daughter is living with her stepmother and father during the school term and I have not been happy with the treatment from her father’s wife. They make her wash her own uniform yet they have a maid. She is a bit big and I have accepted that is her body – but they have put her on diet and strain her with exercises.
The stepmother is a fitness trainer and I can see that she is taking advantage of that to get approval of my ex-husband to abuse my daughter – who has openly told me that she likes staying with me when she comes for the weekend because I buy her all her favourite food, which she has been banned from eating at their house. This makes me mad! – Patricia
Dear Patricia
I honestly do not see anything wrong with what your daughter’s stepmother is doing. By making her wash her uniform she is teaching her well enough to be responsible. At Grade Six she is 11 years old and very soon she will be in High School and at that age you want her to be able to be her own person and take care of her own stuff.
As for her diet, it is not good to feed her with junk food – no matter whether she is slim or big. She is lucky to have her stepmother as a personal trainer – I am sure she knows what is good for her.
You need to understand that children may love you for spoiling them as long as they do not understand the big issues at stake – but once they grow up they will hate you for it. They will blame you because they are overweight. They will blame you for not being able to wash their own clothes. So many people blame their parents for things they once loved them for.
So you need to be careful not to listen to your daughter’s complaints too much. She may tell you that she is being abused because abuse to her is being told her father can’t buy her ice-cream when her mother buys her every weekend. The name stepmother has never really looked or sounded nice over the years because of bad stories.
Stepparents have been known to put their stepchildren through some terrible things – but it is wrong to assume every stepparent is evil. Some are really caring while others even love and raise their stepchildren like their own. She may be one of them. You need to stop looking at her through the lens of the myths of stepmothers.
You need to accept that she is doing what is best for your daughter and try to support her efforts. Try to help your daughter to appreciate that she will be grateful later in life for having learnt good nutrition and exercise which are the basic foundation of good health.
The advantages of being healthy and fit far outweigh the disadvantages of the effort needed to eat properly and exercise regularly.
If your daughter knows that you approve and support the idea of her being fit and healthy it will make it so much easier for her to eat well and to exercise. As long as you make her feel that it is wrong or that it is punishment that will make it much more difficult for her. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle