I am a young man aged 15 who is living with single mother. During weekends I visit my father who has since remarried after separating from my mother. My stepmother is not as bad as my mother says she is. Most of the time my mother asks me what she says or what the two of them do at their house when I come back home.
Sometimes I tell her everything. Most of the times there is not anything bad about her and I feel so stupid telling her the information – because I don’t know why she needs to know what happens there. Somehow my stepmother found out that I tell my mother about what they do, apparently my mother sent my father a text claiming that I was being ill-treated by my stepmother and it got my stepmother so angry that she was considering not having me at their home again.
Help me please. All I want is to be part of my father and my mother’s life despite the fact that they don’t live together anymore. – Bruce
Dear Bruce
You are a very brave young man and you are intelligent too in managing to observe and know the characters of all these different people in your life. It is important for you not to judge your three parents- but you need to be able to manage the information you observe and gather during your movements between your father’s and mother’s places. You need to be able to let what happens at your father’s place or mother’s stay there. Even if your stepmother ill-treats you, you need to take that up with your father before giving the information to your mother. I say so because you have portrayed her as generally a nice person who would not do anything to harm you.
How your father lives his life with her new wife has nothing to do with your mother. Your mother’s life has nothing to do with your father’s life. Know that and be able to fit into both families without having to compare.
Get to fit in to what you are expected of at both places and you will be fine. I would also encourage you to speak to your mum about her desire for information about what happens when you are at your dad’s place.
Explain to her that it is a difficult situation for you and you want to be part of both their lives and can she please help you to manage and live your life peacefully without asking you too many questions all the time. Just be open and honest with her, she loves you and will do anything to help you I am sure. And the same with your father – ask him for time just with him to explain how things are and ask for his help. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle