I am 24 years old and I have just been married to my boyfriend of two years. He is a virgin and I am not. I lost my virginity to someone I thought loved me – but he raped me some years ago. I eventually started going out with my current husband after he had spent a year proposing love to me. I was so cruel to him the first days and I used to tell him that I had a boyfriend when I didn’t.
He has always respected my point that we abstain until we get married because I did not want him to sleep with me and just leave me. Now the problem is on me. We are married but each time I am with him I become so tense and I am so scared of having a man close to me. He is beginning to think that I don’t love him. Sometimes he asks me whether I am seeing someone else. The truth is when he is away at work I miss him and can’t wait to be with him, but when he comes I prefer to be alone. – Gina
Dear Gina
I am sorry for your past. Rape is one of the most terrible things to go through for any human being. I encourage you – do not see yourself as a rape victim but as a rape survivor and stop living in your past. Stop hating yourself for what happened. You deserve to be loved and to be cared for.
You are still traumatized about what happened to you and being with another man, your husband, is a reminder of the past. What you went through left you with a bit of hatred for men and your heart tends to hate or despise every man who gets close to you.
You need to explain what you went through to your husband and he should be able to get the picture of what is happening to you and help you to get past it. If he remains in the dark about what is really going on you may lose his trust as he fails to understand why a woman who claims to love him does not want to be with him. So you need to open up to him. He is the closest person to you and he can help you. I pray he will be willing to do so. He might be shocked at first but give him time and explain to him exactly what happened. You might also need to go for trauma counselling to help you deal with the experience of rape. I suggest you try to contact the Harare Counselling Centre who can advise you further. 8 Coltman Road, Mount Pleasant. Harare. Tel +263 (4) 744580 or +263 (4) 744212 – Auntie Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle