Does she really love me?

Dear Aunty Lisa

I love my girlfriend very much but when I send her an indescribable message with intense words she does not want to talk to me for at least two days though she loves me.

When she meets my friends they make fun of me, she gives them hugs or kisses but when I ask for a kiss she continues to say tomorrow, tomorrow which never comes. How do I then know that she really loves me? – Troubled Brother

Dirty messages a turn-off

Dear Troubled Brother

I don’t know what you exactly mean by an indescribable and intense message but I will assume they are one of those dirty messages as I understand that these are quite common these days.

Although some women may appear to love their men more as a result of these sort of messages they receive (and the same with some men) they are not what love is meant to be all about. I know many women may even dump a man for sending her a dirty message, as this can be interpreted that the man just wants them for sex – which is often the case of course.

Your girlfriend ignores you for at least two days after you send her one, which should send a strong message to you that she doesn’t enjoy your messages and probably feels insulted. You are scaring her away, and if you continue sending those kinds of messages you are likely to lose her altogether. If you still need her you need to adjust your messages with her.

On the other hand, her behaviour with your friends is not justified. Of course we all know that men and women tend to make their lovers jealous. It warms anyone’s heart to know that the man or woman he/she loves is jealous to see other people offering their love. Most people tend to make their partners jealous in a relationship, but the whole idea is for the jealousy to fuel the love they share and remind that person how lucky he/she is to be in love with them. I call it a pleasant jealousy feeling.

This feeling should, however, not cause a tremor to any woman or man’s heart. The kind of jealousy you are feeling right now is not the pleasant type and you are certainly not overreacting. Your girlfriend is taking the game too far. Kissing a male friend and refusing your man that same kiss is not, to me, part of the game.

I suggest that you need to sit down with your girlfriend and make yourself clear with her. You need to communicate clearly and without anger. But let her know she has the right to refuse you any hug or kiss if she feels like that, but if she is to claim that she loves you then she cannot be intimate with your friends and choose to treat you the way she is doing.

Tell her you will stop texting the dirty messages you have recently bombarded her with and ask her for her part to promise to start acting like she is your girlfriend who loves you and not your friends. I am afraid that without this basic commitment your relationship has very little chance of succeeding. Good Luck! – Aunty Lisa

Post published in: Lifestyle

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