I just want to have kids

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am a single father aged 35. I have four children with three different mothers whom I never married. I love having children and I honestly do not have plans to get married and stay with one woman for the rest of my life, at least for now. I have had so many people, mostly my friends and relatives cursing me with all sorts of things like ‘God will punish you for using vana vevamwe vanhu!’

Who did I use here? My intention and desire for now is to have children, which is what I have managed to do and I have always made things clear with the mothers of my children that I had no intentions of marrying or settling down. I have asked them before that I wanted them to give me a child and we have always agreed and I do not see why I should be showered with such accusations.

My only worry and concern at the moment is that all the mothers are becoming gold-diggers, requesting me to pay all sorts of things for the kids. Believe me I have been responsible, but it does not make sense when someone wants to take a child to a pre-school charging $300 a month when they know they would not take them there if they were paying for it themselves.

I am having problems with my baby-mothers. I don’t have a fancy job and each of them wants my financial attention for the kids. What do I do? – King Jay

Dear King Jay

I don’t seem to see where you got your plot wrong; having children was something you planned right? Surely you should have planned for their upkeep and about how you were going to take care of these children and be a responsible father.

Pre-school is just the beginning. There are a lot more expenses coming in the future that you need to get yourself prepared for. You need to plan carefully for all this and make sure you are able to provide a good life for your children – otherwise they also might turn around and curse you one day.

You say you love them so I am sure you would not want that. You cannot compromise the lives of your children, as much as $300 a month for pre-school is a bit pricey compared to what you can afford, you need to realise you cannot run away from the expenses of your children’s education.

There’s just one more thing I would like to encourage you to think about. You say your desire is to have children – why do you want to do that? And what do you want for those children’s future? If you really think seriously about this I am certain you will realise that what children need most in life is the security and joy of a father’s love in a safe and happy home environment.

That is what we all need. If you are not prepared to provide this by disciplining yourself to settle down with one woman, I would question your love for your children. – Aunty Lisa

Post published in: Lifestyle

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