The problem is that the man seems hesitant to declare his love for me because, I am sure, he fears this could damage our friendship in the event that I turn him down.
However, what he doesnt know is that he is killing me softly by not asking me to become his lover. I know if Im not going to take the first step of telling him how I truly feel he wont. Do you think it would be such a big deal were I to tell this guy that I love him? Or should I keep my feelings to myself — and die silently from within because of a love unrequited?
Silently in Love
Dearest Silently in Love
I understand your situation and you are not the only woman out there to find herself in this tricky and rather painful predicament where they have this deep affection for someone but the object of their love does not or cannot reciprocate the love. It can even be worse in some cases where the man is totally oblivious of the secret admirer’s deep affections
But to answer your question, the issue really is not whether it is proper or acceptable for a woman to tell a man that she loves him. Of course, it is proper and acceptable! Believe you me sister; women have since time immemorial always played the courting game!
The question is how do you lead your man on until the point where he discovers (if he didnt know already) your love for him? But, of course, in your case the question is how to create the right kind of scenario that will invite or encourage the man (who is a friend and loves you probably as much as you love him) to declare his feelings for you.
There is really no universal formula on how to win the hearts of those we have fallen for but ask any wife and husband or girlfriend and boyfriend how it all started and often the answer is: we were just friends!
The lesson here is that a true friendship, when carefully natured, has often provided the rock upon which a true romantic love was built. In this regard, you are half way there because you are already close friends with the object of your love. Now your job sis is to cultivate this friendship to the next level!
Pursue your guy, but do not push too hard in case you scare him away. You must demonstrate through your actions that you want him in a more serious and stronger way than mere friendship, and more importantly you must send the signal that all he needs to do is ask and your are his. But listen woman: NEVER, NEVER ACT DESPERATE!
You behave like you have somehow suddenly developed this uncontrollable obsession and longing for him and you will never see this guy again!
The message you want to send to the guy is that you are ready to say YES, if he asks. All you want is to assure him that he will not be rejected. However, the guy must jump of his own accord. You do not have to push him into this!
It is actually very important to show your man that you are an emotionally stable, intelligent, and well-adjusted person who is yearning to be loved but who can still survive — even without that love.
Since you are close friends with this guy you probably already know his strengths and weaknesses, what he does not like and what he likes. Use this knowledge without being manipulating to create the right kind of conditions where you are able to send a signal or two to the guy that the door is unlocked and only a little knocking is needed.
So, its over to you sis, go ahead and get what you deserve.
Gracey
Dear Gracey
Im a man aged 35. I am HIV positive and I am looking for a woman who is also positive or not to settle down with. I need someone below the age of 28. Im tired of dating women who are not committed. Im in Chegutu please help Gracey.
Emmanuel.
Dearest Brother
It is quite disheartening to hear that there are sisters out there who just love to take men for a ride (no pun intended). But the good news is that there also lots of sisters who are looking for serious relationships.
May be the point to make, while we are at it, is that true love is not like a game where one plays to win or to have fun until the final whistle.
If love were ever to be considered a game, then it must a match between two chess masters where the result is a stalemate and the two champions must face each again and again, until they are both two tired to continue and must retire to bed — and in love that is called until death do us part.
Back to your issue, we will open a dateline for you and women who might be interested in you will contact you through us. A word of advice, however, you need to be truthful and open to the women and be clear that what you need is true love and someone to spend the rest of your life with. Hopefully that way you will be able to find someone who will respect and love you for who you are.
Gracey
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