Matters of the Heart

Well, I thought I should a word or two to what you said and explain a bit more why we often find men turning to the small house. Women, once they get married to a man have a tendency to relax seeming to see no reason why they should keep themselves in shape, clean or maintain that attractiveness that made their man fall for them in the first place.

Now, if I married a smart and attractive woman but who once in the matrimonial home transforms into Ms Junk then I am bound to go out there and find myself someone else who is smart and attractive and who I can spend quality time with.

Like you said, men hate arguing but women (wives) just seem to love it so much, even when one wants to rest after a long day at work they can expect the wife to start up an unnecessary argument over this or that small matter.

One expects a wife to welcome her husband home with a smile, prepare a nice meal for him and maybe give him a massage come bed time. But ask for this kind of treatment from the wife and she will start complaining that you are asking for too much. And obviously one has to the small house where everything is readily offered without one even asking.

I do not blame men for having small houses because most of them have genuine reasons why they choose to see other women. Wives should just improve on how they treat their husbands.

Doctor Love

My brother

So, what happens the day the ever understanding and attractive small house also relaxes and begins to resemble Ms Junk at home? Does the man pack up his bags and once more goes on the hunt for another small house? Ever wondered why it is so difficult to curb the spread of HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases?

It is because of this selfish and unintelligent attitude where all that matters is our individual and physical gratification. The vows we made, the promises we gave or the broken hearts we leave in our trail as we hope from one bed to another all dont matter!

I will be the first to say wives should do al they can to maintain the shape and everything that helped win the guys heart in the first place. But so should husbands!

And where problems arise, be it something to do with the matrimonial bed or how the other part no longer looks after themselves, then the correct thing to do is to talk over the problems. Try to find a solution between the two of you or seek help from family, friends, the church pastor or professional councillors. Running away to the small house is as dumb as it gets.

Gracey

Gracey

I am in trouble! Im 22 and still living with my parents. Last week I found out that Im pregnant but my boyfriend is sort of blaming me for it. He says he is not ready to start a family this year and he suggests we abort the baby.

I have no doubt he loves me and he wants to be with me but Im afraid of losing him if I keep that baby. I have always been free to talk to my mum about anything; she always advised me on any issue whether it was HIV/AIDS, sex, men, etc.

Im afraid that the day she will find out about this pregnancy she will probably kill me. What should I do, should I really abort pregnancy?

Miss Barbara

Dear Barbara

The pregnancy is evidence that you did not listen to the advice your mum gave you about HIV/AIDS, sex and men. Now, for your own good and the good of the unborn child, you better listen – and listen well – this time round.

First, it is not fair for your boyfriend to blame you for the pregnancy. You both engaged in unprotected sex when you knew very well that you were neither married nor ready to get married. It was a foolish thing to do and you both should shoulder the blame.

Second, do not abort the pregnancy. Please dont! It is a jailable offence under Zimbabwes laws and it is a sin against Gods law. Bedsides, backdoor abortions for in your case that is only how you can be able to do it are dangerous. You could damage your reproductive system your may never be able to bear children again. Or you could even die in the process.

I would say that instead of wasting time blaming each other or plotting to commit sin and crime by aborting the pregnancy, your are probably better served thinking and planning about your new roles as mother and father to your unborn baby. You do not say how old your boyfriend is or whether he is in a financial position to provide for the child and yourself. However, assuming he is gainfully employed then he better starts saving for the baby including for your antenatal requirements.

Please note: I did not say that you should become husband and wife. You do not have to marry each other but you have a responsibility to ensure the child is well cared for, both in pregnancy and after. And more importantly, this is a matter neither you nor your boyfriend can keep secret from your families for much longer. Because they will get to know anyway, you might as well tell them.

You seem to have good communications lines with your mother, let her know. You could go ask a trusted friend or close relative to be the go-between or you could simply open up to her yourself. No doubt, she will be angry and very disappointed that you let her down. However, once she is over the initial shock, she will be the best support you can ever hope to have in this situation.

Once mom gets to she will be able advise you what do to next. As for your boyfriend, encourage him to drop this abortion nonsense and tell him to seek the wisdom of his uncles, father or other family members over how to handle this matter.

Gracey