Matters of the Heart

He is a very responsible father because he gives a lot of attention to his son. However, my problem is he ignores me and I have since developed a liking for someone else who I think Im in love with. I dont feel the connection between me and my sons father anymore and the feelings I have for the other guy are getting stronger than ever. I wish I could be with him. I need your honest opinion on this matter, is it wrong for me to fall in love with someone else?

T.I

Hey T.I

Even though the father of your son hasnt paid for your bride price (lobola) it doesnt mean he is not your husband, traditionally that is. This means you’re not single anymore. By eloping you chose that he is the man you want to love all your life. Why then should you be admiring other men?

However, the feelings you have are common. In such cases the mind tends to rule. When you get married it is because you have trusted your heart that this is the man you love, unless maybe you were forced into moving in with him in the first place. If ever there was true love between the two of you before you were blessed with your son, it will not be so difficult for you to tell a part of your heart not to make a fool out of you. You are allowing it to take control of you and convince your brains that you are wholeheartedly in love with that other man.

It is noble for you to appreciate a good looking man when you see one, but to wish you could be with him when you are committed to another is against what I call the ethics of love. There are lots of men out there who when you meet you will say Damn!! He is hot. But your heart needs to be principled enough to appreciate the man you have chosen. You cant have them all. God prescribed one man for one woman.

Even for those who believe in polygamy, there is never one woman for two men or more but vice versa. If you feel your man is no longer giving you the attention you so much enjoyed before your child was born it is only proper that you let him know how you feel. Talk to him about it and you may be surprised that he did it subconsciously. The moment he start spending more time with you again you may see how you still love him so much and how that certain guy has been a distraction to your marriage.

Some may say you got married too early but what is done is done, you need to start acting maturely and fight for your marriage. Stay committed to your man and whenever you feel there is something wrong, learn to open up and discuss the way forward with him.

Gracey

Hey Gracey

Im in trouble. I was seeing two guys who I both love and now I don’t know which one of the two is responsible for my pregnancy. Is there any way I can find out before facing the wrong father-to-be? I know any of them will be happy to have me as the mother of their child and will even celebrate if I tell them of this development. But my worry is that, I dont want my child to grow up with the wrong parent and I will not forgive myself if I make the wrong person carry someone elses responsibility.

D.T (Double Trouble)

Hey sis

Im disappointed by your irresponsibility. I obviously cant tell who the father of your unborn child is if you dont even know yourself. You will have to find out who the father of your child through a paternity test after the baby has been born. This means you will need to go through one or two truth revealing processes that will need some damning courage. You will need to face the two men you have been involved with and tell them of what has been going on and convince them to agree to go for the test. That is the only way to get the real father of the child to at least accept the responsibility of his baby.

While it is possible that both of them may turn their back on you after telling them of the shocking news of this heartbreaking love triangle you will have to stay strong for the sake of the innocent baby you are carrying. You can still make it as a single parent and take care of your child.

Gracey