Matters of the Heart

He is caring and there is really nothing that I can say he is bad at. My problem is that Im failing to trust him, soccer players have been known to be womanisers. Peter Ndlovu was very good on the field and proved a player on and off the soccer pitch. Maybe it goes with the fame, musicians and politicians are also like that. I know its wrong to assume that this person will hurt my feelings when he has never done anything wrong, but I feel like I will be risking my heart by trusting him. Although I love him, I know there is no relationship that can grow without trust, what should I do? Please help sis.

Rumbi

Hey Rumbie

You are quite right to say that no relationship can stand without trust. I believe when two people start a relationship, trust for one another is earned as we go. What Im suggesting here is that we say your man neither is innocent until proven guilty nor vice versa, but we must not assume things that have not occurred, we must not judge people because of what other people in their profession do.

I know you can give so many examples of soccer players who are promiscuous but one bad apple must not spoil the whole lot. To label soccer players as promiscuous and irresponsible is merely a stereotype. It certainly is not true of all.

Just as in any profession there are certain stereotypes. The football fraternity is no exception. People say journalists and politicians are good liars, they say accountants are crooks and that combi drivers are dirty. But not all journalists and politicians are good at not telling the truth, not all accountants are dishonest and some combi drivers are smart. So, if Manchester Uniteds Wayne Rooney or golfer Tiger Woods were reported to have cheated on their wives it certainly does not mean all golf and soccer stars are womanisers or heartbreakers.

You will do fine in your love life and with your new relationship with this man if you appreciate him as an individual and not label him by his profession. We have players like Dynamos Ashley Rambanapasi, Caps Uniteds Edmore Sibanda, Monomotapas Fidelis Mangezie, Bidvest Wits Energy Murambadoro who are living happily with their families. So, you should not paint all players with the same black brush.

If you love your man, give him a chance to prove that he is worthy of your trust, and dont judge him with what you fear may happen.

Gracey

Dear Gracey

I have impregnated two women who are at the verge of eloping right now. Im 27 and I cannot deal with both women at the same time, Im too young to be a polygamist. Life is just appearing unfair just to me alone right now. What can I do really?

Double Trouble

Dear D. Trouble

You have been totally irresponsible and the only thing for you to do here is to be man enough and take responsibility for your actions. Life can seem unfair at times but it depends from which angle one is looking at things. In your case I can say it is only you my brother who has been unfair to life.

You need to sit down with each of the women and let them know of the other before moving in with you. Otherwise the noble thing there is for you to do is to welcome them both and take it from there. I understand having two wives in your life may have not been one of your dreams but at this point you can only pray that one of them gets pissed off with the situation and refuses to move in with you.

The other option is that you can sit down with the woman you dont wish to spend the rest of your life with and confess this mess you have put yourself into. You then politely explain to her why you think you cant marry her and assure her that you will be responsible for all the babys needs.

As much as it will hurt them both they deserve to know the truth before moving in with you. Remember to stick to one partner in future.

Gracey

Dear Gracey

Thank you for this column, sometimes I get so troubled and Im so confused I just need a stranger to talk to. Right now Im feeling a bit low and I hope you can help me. Im 17 and I finished my Ordinary level studies last year, I failed Mathematics with E grade, I sat to rewrite the exam and failed again with a D grade. Some kids are passing with one sitting and I continue to fail, is there something wrong with me really? I have asked myself this question several times but I cant find the answer, I really want to pass but where am I going wrong?

T-One

Dear T-One

I dont want to believe there is anything wrong with you just because you have failed your mathematics exam twice. It is quite a challenging subject that needs you to prepare yourself well before the exam; you were probably just not prepared enough.

Maths needs more study than most of the other subject. Work with past examination papers, study the questions carefully and make sure you understand the solutions. If you dont find a fellow student who is willing to help you. Kindly ask your teacher for extra help if you feel you are being slow to understand how to work it out.

Just dont give up. Look on the brighter side of it – you first failed with a U grade and recently failed with an E symbol, which is better than last time. There has been an improvement and you have a reason to believe that next time you are going to pass. Remain positive and know that you can accomplish anything you commit yourself to.

Gracey